Celebrate the Difference . . .

Posted on March 13, 2013 by Chris Jones

Maybe you’re just figuring this out, but people are different. Yes. This is what I call a “Duh moment.” But there is significant value in understanding this elementary fact. We are different.

From our fingerprints to our personal experiences to our ways of processing information, we are each unique creations of God. We are not randomly designed, but rather “we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10).

We think differently. We talk differently. We react differently. We are different!

I think we’re tracking here. But here comes the hard part: JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ISN’T LIKE YOU DOESN’T MAKE THEM WRONG. Different doesn’t mean wrong. It just means different.

I know it sounds simple enough, but it isn’t necessarily. In my opinion, the lack of ability to accept differences between people is one of the biggest causes of fighting and contention in the church today. It is also a major contributor of our failure to connect with a world that doesn’t value Christianity. It seems like the longer you are a Christian and the more time you spend in church, the more likely you are to fall into this trap – of thinking that you know the right way and everyone who disagrees must be wrong.

In my opinion, it’s the lack of ability to appreciate differences and embrace them that causes most of the conflict in churches. I also believe it causes most of the conflicts in marriage. Consider my wife, Lisa.

If you spend two minutes around me, you will discover that I am the poster child for ADHD. Something I have struggled with all of my life. I embrace it and often call it a spiritual gift. Many would disagree. My wife is the opposite. Lisa exudes calmness and is extremely organized. I think she has undiagnosed OCD. Ha. You should see her closet. She has to go through a bed making ritual every night before I’m allowed to dive in. Sometimes I mess up the bedding just to see her reaction. It’s not pretty.

From the very start I knew we were inherently different. But that was ok because I loved those differences. Those differences are actually what attracted me to her. I couldn’t marry someone with ADHD. Can you imagine? We would probably have to wear helmets. I love that she is different. I need a calm and organized presence in my life. Someone to tell me, “Chris, it’s not appropriate to dance on a table in a restaurant.”

But what happens over time? Over time, I realized that these differences sometimes meant that we would disagree or that we’d have different ideas about how to solve a problem or deal with an issue. I started to think that her way was wrong and my way was right. I didn’t realize that different doesn’t mean wrong; it just means different.

So then I did what any loving husband would do… I tried to fix her – to make her more like me. And she tried to do the same to me. But I would not organize my closet by style and color. Not surprisingly, both of us failed and both of us felt frustrated. We were looking at our differences in the wrong way. Instead of embracing our differences, we resisted them.

Eventually we learned to value and appreciate our differences. We realized that God brought us together because He knew that those differences would add richness and balance to our marriage. He knew that my “ADHD” needed a OCD” like Lisa and vice versa. Once we accepted and embraced this idea, God really opened our eyes to the beauty of marriage and how we were made to live. He made us realize that our differences – if we could learn to use them properly – would eventually be our greatest asset.

How do you see different? Is different wrong? Or is different just different?

If you can’t learn to accept the differences God has placed in others, you will never reach your maximum potential in life – especially if you are a leader and are trying to get the most out of a group of people. It’s actually through understanding the differences that we connect with others and build healthy relationships. Why? Because it requires all of us to dive deeper into someone other than ourselves. We often live at the surface and fail to understand why others see things different than we do. I think it’s a symptom of something bigger that’s at the root of all issues. Pride. Sometimes the biggest hurdle in reaching a world for Christ is the reflection I see when I look in the mirror. Especially when I see their differences as an assault to MY beliefs and accepted norms.

There is a better way where we acknowledge our differences and understand how they actually build health in our personal lives and in the body of Christ.

“There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all… One and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills.” 1 Corinthians 12:4-6, 11

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5 Things Teenagers Must Believe About Themselves

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Chris Jones

Teenagers are heavily influenced by culture and those in their circle of influence. We all have a circle of influence. You might recognize this as “Sphere of influence.” These are people you have the most contact and have gained an influence in their lives. It’s those who trust our opinion and ideas and those we trust that help shape our lives. It represents our families, mentors, friends, co-workers, teams, groups, and organizations.

Influencers always produce one thing. Change. This is both positive and negative change.

The more people we get to know, the larger our circle of influence becomes. Think about how much of who you are today was influenced by your parents, a sibling, relatives, teachers, coaches, neighbors, authors, pastors, bosses, co-workers, spouse or friends. Values, habits, behavior, knowledge, skills, passions, hobbies, tastes and attitudes are typically learned through association with others.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to influence. Consider this excerpt from an article published by a research group at Harvard University:

Research during the past 10 years, powered by technology such as functional magnetic resonance imaging, has revealed that young brains have both fast-growing synapses and sections that remain unconnected. This leaves teens easily influenced by their environment and more prone to impulsive behavior, even without the impact of souped-up hormones and any genetic or family predispositions.

It appears the teenage brain is not just an adult brain with fewer miles on it. They are in a critical time of development. Teenagers are people with very sharp brains, but they’re not quite sure what to do with them. They’re trying to figure it all out. So it makes sense that they are easily influenced by those around them. This is good to know as a parent or youth leader. This means we have the capacity to greatly influence these young minds and hearts.

Parents represent the greatest influence in their children’s lives. This is by design. Your children are a beautiful gift from God. He planted you smack dab in the middle of your their lives to love, care, and yes, influence their lives for His glory (see Deuteronomy chapter 6). This is an incredible opportunity for parents. It’s bigger than we might imagine. As parents take an active role in influencing the lives of their children for God’s glory and their good, they are helping to shape and entire culture. The implications are off the charts.

The failure of parents to take an active role in influencing their children produces negative consequences. Teenagers, who are desperate for influence, will fill the void of influence left by their parents with the information they gain from others. Most often their friends. You know, the same friends who are trying to figure it all out. We see this all the time. Parents must take an active role in shaping their children’s lives. If we fail to help shape their lives we can only assume someone else will do that for us. The results are obvious in our world.

With this in mind, we complied a list of 5 things parents should help their children understand. This list is not exhaustive, but can help give a framework for positive change in teenagers.

1. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over evil and sin. (1 John 4:4 ). As Christians, we are no longer a slave to sin and have power over it through Christ. It no longer owns us. This is great news. Through Christ, we have the power to overcome. We are God’s address. He lives in us. This means we have the ability to recognize and overcome sinfulness. This is so important for your teenager to understand as they are inundated with moral decisions on a daily basis. They have the power to overcome!

2. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over every circumstance in their lives. (Mark 11:23; Philippians 4:13). Through the power of Christ, they can overcome.

3. Help them understand they have the ability to control their mind and can push out evil thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:4,5; Philippians 4: 8,9). This is so important in a world that has no boundaries in what they present to teenagers. I am currently counseling with more teenagers than I care to mention in the area of pornography. It is easily accessible through the internet. You can’t imagine how much power it has over their young lives. Understanding they have the power to overcome is essential. If you want to understand some of the messages the world gives this culture watch the most viewed television programs among teenagers. But be warned. Jersey Shore, Glee, and Family Guy present material that makes most parents cringe. Through Christ, teenagers have the ability to control their minds and overcome.

4. Help your teenager understand they are poised for success and they should never accept defeat as final. (1 Corinthians 15:57; Matthew 19:26). They love this one! God is committed to working out His desire for our lives. We only struggle when we kick against His desire. Christians must define success on God’s terms and not the world’s warped idea. We can never fully measure up to the world’s idea of success. It leaves us in a depressing vicious cycle. The good news is we are never measured by the world’s idea of success. Because of grace and unimaginable love, God’s idea of success can be obtained. This is great news for teenagers who constantly measure themselves based on the world’s standards. Help them break this mentality.

5. Help them understand the difference between hating sin and loving sinners. (Proverbs 12:2). This is the teaching and example from Christ’s life. Teenagers often get confused between the two. They see someone who sins as bad and avoid them. Jesus saw sinners as people who were sinful but desperately desired to set them free from its grip. He loves sinners. I am so thankful He does because I am a sinner. Teenagers are in the best position to reach the most vulnerable people on the planet with the gospel of Christ. They simply need to see sinners as Christ sees them. People He loved enough to give His life and passionately wants to set free.

Helping your teenagers understand these basic principles will change their lives. Be the influence they desire for you to be. If we refuse to see the value in our influence as parents, we should expect others to shape the minds of our children. I never want this as a parent. God gives me the great opportunity to help shape my children’s minds and hearts, and bigger, change an entire culture.

3 Negative Thoughts Parents Can Help Erase From their Teen’s Mind (followthenarrowroad.com)
Helping Your Children Overcome Adolescent Fears (followthenarrowroad.com)
What MTV Reveals About The Teenage Culture (followthenarrowroad.com)

Don’t Worry. Be Happy!

Posted on May 25, 2012 by Chris Jones

Mankind is in constant pursuit of happiness.

It seems to be built into our DNA. It is our right to be happy. We start our year off by saying, “Happy New Year!” Do we even think about what that means? What if we started saying that throughout the year? That could be interesting. Walk up to someone today, in May, and say to them, “Happy New Year!” Say it with conviction. Don’t be alarmed if they give you a strange look and run away.

Happiness is part of the American dream. It’s right there in our Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Thomas Jefferson leaves the idea of happiness undefined. It is up to free people to define. What means happiness to you? Fill in the blank. Happiness is _________. Whatever that is, you have a right to pursue it. It’s completely open and subjective.

When Thomas Jefferson included the phrase “the pursuit of happiness” to describe one of the rights of man, he was passing along an idea that has a very long history. Let’s go all the way back to the Greeks and ancient biblical times. In ancient times, happiness was understood as a condition to which all people aspire. But for the Greeks and biblical writers, happiness was an objective reality, not just a feeling or an emotion. The common sentiment in the current culture of “Do whatever makes you happy,” would have confused the Hebrews, Greeks, and even Christians because it implies subjectivity. It doesn’t contain a particular path that leads to happiness.

Alexander the Great got everything his way. He conquered everything and then sat down to cry, because he was so young and there was nothing left to conquer. For people who get everything they want, life is good. They have everything, and they don’t know what to do with it.

The Greeks had a word for happiness: makarios. This word described what they perceived as being the experience of the gods. The Greeks had lots of gods, and the gods were sort of magnified human beings; they had all the failings of human beings and all the strengths. For Greeks, the idea of the gods was that they had everything made. The word makarios found its way into the New Testament, and it is translated “blessed” or “happy.”

And Jesus picks up on the word.

Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in heart. Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness.

Jesus is saying that happiness, or makarios—having everything just wonderful—comes not from having everything; it can come through being poor, through mourning, through hungering, through thirsting. It can come through being persecuted for righteousness’ sake. That’s exactly the opposite of what we think is the road to happiness.

So let’s get out there and tell everyone we see, “Happy New Year!” But remember. Define happiness correctly. Happiness is not just getting all your happenings to happen the way you want them to happen.

Happiness by the biblical definition is really only accomplished through the process of becoming more like Christ. We use the word “Sanctification.” The process of becoming more like our Savior. This means that happiness is an ethical, not a psychological endeavor. In the minds of the biblical writers, to pursue happiness was to pursue our reason for being. It meant accounting for the fact that human beings do not naturally pursue the best for our lives, that some really fun things are not in the best interest of happiness. It had nothing to do with our individual liberties. It had everything to do with aligning our lives with God’s purpose.

This reality means that happiness cannot be obtained by our own strength. It is only possible through grace. God makes it clear that sinfulness is rooted in the DNA of mankind. Our ideas of happiness are born from a soul that is bent toward self. We define happiness based on a warped perception and blindly follow the worlds definition. But this act of futility has consequences. The devastating effects of sinfulness can only lead to death. So we march on. In pursuit of our unalienable right to the pursuit of happiness.

The idea that happiness is an act of sanctification is shocking to those who do not value Godliness. Unfortunately it is also shocking to many Christians. Christians have become so obsessed with happiness that we have adopted an anti-Christian understanding of what it means.

In the twentieth century, led by the explosion of mass media and our rabid desire for entertainment, the pursuit of happiness became synonymous with fun. It is seen as a moral imperative. It is tied to our feelings about ourselves. We allow it to determine our self-esteem. So actively pursuing happiness makes consumption of entertainment seem logical.

How has this worked out for us? I’m not sure the worlds path toward happiness is really leading us toward our ultimate goal. Welcome to antidepressant nation! Our relentless pursuit of happiness and the belief that happiness is a “Normal” state of mind that can only be obtained by following the path the world dictates has led to a record number of people being prescribed antidepressants. This should not surprise us. If happiness is seen as normal and we ascribe to the worlds definition, we can only conclude that something is wrong with us if we don’t feel happy. It can’t be that the worlds path to happiness is flawed. Right? There must be something wrong with us. So we get in line at pharmacies and purchase our idea of normal.

The problem is, antidepressants don’t really bring us any closer to real happiness. They simply numb our sensibilities. It seems this experiment has failed. Medicating our minds can pull us back from the abyss, but it can never produce what we desire the most. Happiness.

Christians are in a unique position to pursue happiness. We believe, unlike the worldview, that we are made to delight in the knowledge and love of God, that we can only find fulfillment as humans if we walk in His ways. We also are aware that we live in a fallen world that is anti-God. Christians should recognize that true happiness, or as the biblical writers called it, “Blessedness,” will only be fully achieved when Christ returns, and it might involve suffering, persecution, and sacrifice. Our happiness is not a national ideology. It is a gift from a loving God. It is a gift from Christ who understood sorrow and was acquainted with grief.

As I read the life of Christ in the gospels, I never once see Jesus leading a pep rally with His disciples. He never once asked them, “Isn’t this fun?” In John chapter 17, Jesus stood before those boys and prayed to Father God that His joy would be fulfilled in them. What an amazing prayer. Jesus praying for His disciples for joy. The disciples who are going to be persecuted, robbed of everything they own, tortured, and put to death. But Jesus promises them joy that is true and lasting.

Jesus helps us understand that happiness is the result of aligning our lives with God’s purposes. In John 15:10-11, Jesus tells us that, “If you keep my commandments you will aside in my life, just as I have kept my Fathers commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be FULL.” (emphasis mine)

The road to happiness is not what the world has pulled over our eyes. It’s not even up to our own interpretations. We see that every day. Is is only found in the pursuit of God.

So. Be happy.

*This article is an adaptation from a great piece by Ken Byers.

What MTV Reveals About The Teenage Culture

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Chris Jones

I want my MTV!

Oh yeah! I was a rabid MTV fan as a teenager and even into adulthood. When MTV first aired, it was more about music than the current trend toward reality television. They actually lived up to their name, “Music Television.” The first video I watched on MTV was “Little Red Corvette” by the pop icon, Prince. Maybe I’m dating myself . . . I digress. MTV was revolutionary in the music video genre. They made it possible to watch your favorite music artist, singing your favorite songs in short videos. Genius idea. It sure beat “American Bandstand,” and “Soul Train.” Yes. I might have watched Soul Train. I was trying to learn how to dance. What can I say? The “Robot” is difficult to learn.

The current news about a new reality program on MTV called, “Losing It,” has once again put the network under a microscope. This show was to feature people in the pursuit of losing their virginity. Fortunately, the outcry from parents and major organizations caused MTV to cancel the show. If you scratch beneath the surface you will find the main reason for the cancellation was organizations threatening to remove advertisements. Make no mistake. It was not a decision based on morality. That’s never been their style. It was a simple issue of basic economics. So what does this say about MTV?

Music Television 101

MTV targets a younger audience. The idea behind the channel is one of marketing genius. In fact, most people think that MTV should change their name to ATV, for “Advertising Television.” Advertising is the main purpose for the network. This isn’t some tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theory. They are very open in their pursuit of the billions of dollars an adolescent audience represents. Before we cast stones, it is important to point out that the purpose of every network is to make money. This is why they exist. The motivation is to create programs that will attract an audience. If you are successful in drawing an audience the product advertisers will follow. The more advertisers you attract, the more profit you generate for your network. This is business 101. It’s not that complex.

MTV’s parent company is Viacom. Viacom is an American global media company. They own several popular networks. Their most profitable networks are, MTV, Nickelodeon, Country Music Television, Comedy Central, and VH1. MTV is their most profitable network. It is estimated that MTV generates over one billion dollars in annual profits. The American market represents 80% of MTV’s revenue.

Teenagers represent MTV’s main source of revenue. Their largest audience comes from the 12-34 year old age group. If you focus the microscope a little more, you will find the primary audience is teenagers between the ages of 13-19. Over 32 million people in the Untied States watch MTV at least once a week. 8.5 million teenagers watch MTV at least once a day. It seems they have captured their target audience. This is by design.

There are currently around 32 million teenagers living in America. This represents the largest group of teenagers in American history. They are also the most marketed group of teenagers in the history of media. The reason is simple. Teenagers represent the age group with the most expendable income. Most agree that teenagers run today’s economy. On average, teenagers in America spend around 100 billion dollars of their earnings every year. Their parents contribute another 50 billion dollars to their desires. This means teenagers represent around 150 billion dollars in potential revenue. The math is simple. Companies target teenagers because they are willing to spend most of their earnings and certainly don’t mind spending their parents earnings. Starting to see the genius behind MTV? This was the impetus for the network. Their primary goal is to attract an audience who will buy the products advertised on their network. Attracting a teenage audience is the key to their success. Without teenagers, MTV would cease to exist.

MTV doesn’t view teenagers as people but as customers. Again, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. They exist to make money. They use various means to get into the mind of the teenage audience. They even use “Culture Spies” to obtain vital information. “Culture Spies,” are people hired to engage teenagers in their natural habitat. They infiltrate the teenage audience to obtain vital information about popular trends. They essentially want to know what teenagers view as cool. This information drives MTV’s programming. They cater to the teenagers perception of cool because cool sales products. They even have teams that visits teenagers in their homes. They are relentless in their pursuit of understanding the current popular teenage trends.

This is both genius and horrifying. If MTV learns the culture to reach into the wallets of this culture, then what does that say about the current teenage culture? All of MTV’s programs are specifically designed to reach the teenage audience. They learn the teenage culture so they can attract them to their network. This means their programming is shaped by the values and felt needs of the current teenage culture.

One of the most popular programs in the history of MTV is the realty show called “Jersey Shore.” This program features a group of friends living in New Jersey. There is no plot. Just an open view into the lives of the characters. It only takes one viewing to understand the basic premiss. They are all basically alcoholics who seem to live in a constant state of party. They routinely engage in sexual activity and generally represents a parents nightmare. Did I mention this is probably the most popular shows in the history of MTV? Jersey Shore has made instant celebrities of all of its characters. Keep in mind that this show only survives because of a teenage audience. What does this mean? This means teenagers living in America have created this monster. We can blame them for having to endure “The Situation,” and “Snooki.”

Let’s connect some dots. MTV sells out to learning everything they can about the current teenage culture. They learn the culture to reach the culture to make money. This means all of their programming is shaped by the values of the current teenage culture. Which leads us to the tragic conclusion that every show presented by MTV represents the very heartbeat of an entire generation of teenagers. MTV creates shows to attract what teenagers see as cool. They are not alone in this pursuit. If you look at the most popular television programs in the teenage demographic, you will find shows like, “Glee,” and “Family Guy.” Again, both representing the tone of a teenage culture. Let’s be clear. If Christianity was perceived as cool by the teenage culture, MTV and other networks would feature programs to attract that audience. “Jersey Shore” might be, “Jesus Shore.” Oh, that was bad. You get the point.

The reality is, despite the common sentiment, MTV is not out to shape the teenage culture through their programming. They just want their expendable income. However, their programming does reveal the current mentality of a teenage culture. If you want to know what this teenager culture perceives as cool, watch MTV. This is a heart breaking reality.

So instead of getting our pitchforks and torches and storming the 2nd floor of the Viacom Headquarters in New York City, we should take a deeper look at the values and norms of the teenage culture. MTV is simply a reflection of this teenage culture. If the values and morality of the teenage culture changed, so would MTV.

It’s always easy to cast blame for the current issues in adolescent culture. Sure, MTV should exhibit more caution in their programming. They are certainly cognizant of the fact that teenagers are extremely vulnerable and impressionable. This article is not a defense of MTV. But the bigger issue is a teenage culture drifting away from the very basics of civility and morality. The very things God instruct parents to teach and model to their children. The very things those in teenage leadership surrender their lives to proclaim. What does this revelation say about our efforts?

In a very real way, MTV is showing us the current tone of the teenage culture. If MTV pulled the plug on its network tomorrow it would do little, if anything to change a culture. Only God can do that. His divine plan is to use parents and those in His service to point teenagers toward His truths. Without obedience to God’s specific mandate, we can expect this culture to continue down the rabbit hole of sinfulness. Isn’t that the projected path of sinfulness highlighted in God’s word?

Until parents and those who lead teenagers understand this sobering reality, teenagers will still “Want their MTV.” And MTV will continue to reflect and profit from a culture that is rapidly moving away from God.

3 Freedoms No One Can Take Away

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Chris Jones

It’s not always easy for teenagers to be a follower of Christ in their homes. It’s difficult in the current anti-Judeo-Christian culture for teenagers to express their faith. It’s even more difficult when their faith isn’t valued in their home.

Recent statistics show that over half of Christian teenagers live in homes where their faith isn’t valued or is poorly represented by their parents or guardians. A very difficult road for young believers. Especially when you consider the overwhelming evidence that parents represent the most trusted person in their young lives.

Youth pastors and ministry leaders often feel frustrated by the ebb and flow of these teenagers spiritual life. Two steps forward and three steps back spiritually because the biblical principles they learn are not valued by the people they love and trust the most.

Ultimately teenagers must own their faith. Parents have the greatest influence in their spiritual development, but they can only show their children the way. Parents can only lead them to the door of faith through their lives and values. Their children must make the choice to walk through the door and into a relationship with Christ. There is no “Super Dooper Family Savings Plan” in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We will all have to answer the eternal question, “What did you do with Jesus?”

So what’s the encouragement to teenagers who live in a family where their faith isn’t valued?

Jesus made the mind-blowing decision to come into this messy, anti-God world. He willingly chose to wrap himself in the messiness that is my sinfulness which led to the rightful judgment from His Father. Not only did he remove my sinfulness like a filthy jacket , He put it on Himself. Jesus sustained the full wrath from His father for my sinfulness. Because of His sacrifice I can now have an eternal relationship with Father God. And through this relationship with Christ, I also gain three freedoms that no one can ever take away from me.

This is epic news. Epic seems too small. This is awesome news. Nah. Not enough. What’s the adjective? As I search Thesaurus.com for the word that adequately expresses the massiveness of this news, I am left disappointed. It’s not there. It’s that big.

Every teenager needs to understand that even if they live in a family that doesn’t support or encourage their faith, there are three divine freedoms they gain through a relationship with Christ that no one can ever take away. Not even their parents.

1. You have the freedom to worship God.

Tonya was a 17-year-old girl in our ministry. She started coming to our Wednesday night group with friends who attended our student ministry. After several weeks of attending and enduring my craziness, she made the earth-shattering decision to follow Christ. There was only one problem. Her father is an atheist and her mother is agnostic. How on earth could this girl spiritually thrive in this type of home environment?

She had this deep desire to share her new faith with her parents but was afraid of their response. Her fears confirmed when she asked them to attend her baptism. Tonya’s parents forbid her from attending our church and from having any contact with the friends who brought her to our ministry. Tragic? Maybe. This only served to fuel her passion for Christ. She simply would not renounce her faith in Christ and purposed to learn as much as she could about Her Savior.

After she graduated from high school and settled into college life, she contacted me. She now had the freedom to express and live out her faith in Jesus. In her email she wrote, “I love my parents so much. I would give anything if they would become Christians. They did everything they could to erase Jesus from my mind but when He entered my life it was forever. I could never stop loving Him. They could not take that away from me.”

Your parents may not value your faith, or as in Tonya’s situation, forbid you from living out your faith. But in Christ you have the absolute freedom to worship Him in spite of your home environment. No one can ever take that away.

2. The Absolute Freedom to Grow in Your Faith

In many parts of the world, teenagers are limited in what they can learn. They are only allowed to learn about the things their government allows. Most of these governments are ant-Christian. So the idea of learning more about Christ is almost impossible. They simply do not have the resources.

We can never use this as an excuse in America. Information about anything under the sun is only a few clicks away. Google is your friend. We are incredibly blessed as Christians living in America to have this access and the freedom to pursue biblical knowledge.

The one thing that stunts our pursuit of biblical knowledge is desire. No one can take away your personal choice to grow in the knowledge of your Savior. Only you can do that.

3. The Freedom to Share Christ (Mark 16:15)

Yes. We can still do this in America. I kid. Maybe. If you study our culture you will find more and more groups of people doing their best to limit religious freedom. Especially the public expression of our faith. The good news is they can never succeed.

Teenagers spend most of their lives in school. Most teenagers attend state and federally funded public schools. This means our public schools enjoy the capacity to heavily influence our culture. Limiting religious expression is a direct result of this influence. So what do our public schools do? They put rules into place that seek to limit public prayer, bible reading, religious pictures on the walls, and any hint of teaching creation as an alternative to evolution. Terrible? Not as terrible as some suppose. There is absolutely no power in a picture of the 10 Commandments on a wall, and there are some teachers that should never teach theology. It’s the precedent that’s frightening. A country that is using its power to limit religious expression. Thankfully, God’s idea of growing His kingdom is people, not systems of government or religious effects.

This mentality is also present in the homes of thousands of teenagers in America. They are forbidden to practice their faith in their homes. Sometimes the world of religion in schools and home life collide. A teenager in our ministry in Kentucky was the son of the man who was leading the charge to ban all youth pastors from stepping foot on a public school campus during school hours. Boy did this backfire at home. His son started a bible study group that met before school. They met just across the street from the school at a church members house. He invited a different youth pastor from the community to speak every week. Problem solved.

Our culture and, perhaps, your family can create systems that seemingly hurt the cause of the gospel of Christ. But understand this. Until they stop allowing Christian teenagers to attend public schools, and until your family kicks you out of your home (and I pray this never happens), they can NEVER hurt the cause of Christ. Why? Because as a follower of Christ, you are God’s address. He lives in you. You take Him with you wherever you go. As long as you attend public schools and live in a home that does not value Christianity, you have the freedom to be who God calls you to be as His follower. The same divine power that raised Christ from the dead, is alive and well in you. You have the capacity to be a living example of Christ every day and to share with others why you are so stinking weird. No One can ever take that away. Only you can give up your ability to share Christ through you life.

RU 4 Children

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Chris Jones

We’re on the RU 4 Children train. An amazing ministry doing great work for Children all over the world. Give them a look and encourage your ministry to contribute to their cause.

Check out their website at:
http://www.ru4children.org/

Don’t Judge Me Bro!

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Chris Jones

We hear it all the time, “Don’t judge me.” Even those who aren’t being judged seem to run to the defense of those they perceived as being judged. While I agree there is absolutely no value in condemning and pointing out the sinfulness of those who do not follow Christ, there is great value in holding fellow believers in Christ accountable.

The difference between Christian accountability and judging is somewhat of a fine line. It has become so blurred in our culture that Christians are frozen by it’s implications. Even fellow believes are prone to use the “Don’t judge me card,” in an attempt to avoid accountability. But the lines between right and wrong are clear in God’s word. This creates tension within the body of Christ and has the potential to dilute the local body into a “House of toleration.” This slippery slope will not end well.

I recently read a great article on the subject of judging versus accountability. Rather than write my thoughts, I thought it would be more beneficial for Christ followers to read his article on this vital subject. I’ve posted a few points from his larger body of work. Please read and pass along to your friends. This has reached a tipping point in or church culture.

Christian Accountability by J. Hampton Keathley III, Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary

(Pastor Keathley went to be with our Lord in 2002. His legacy of faith lives on).

The apostle Paul warns the Christian community against the evil of judging one another concerning certain doubtful or debatable practices where one Christian holds one opinion and another a different opinion. He then concludes this portion of his argument with a reminder of every Christian’s accountability at the Judgment Seat of God. He writes:

But why do you judge your brother or sister? Or again, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. 11 For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow to me, and every tongue will give praise to God.” 12 Therefore, each of us will give an account of himself to God (Rom 14:10-12)..

The stark reality of Scripture is that every person, Christian and non-Christian, is accountable before a sovereign God (see Rom. 3:9-19) and will one day have to bow before Christ (Phil. 2:9-11). Jesus said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, even more will be asked” (Luke 12:48b). Many reject this declaration of Scripture by all manner of human rationalizations and bias, but their rejection cannot alter the reality of accountability.

Jesus emphatically taught that a day of judgment is coming when every person will have to give an account. For instance, in a context where the Pharisees had spoken evil of Jesus by attributing His miracle to Satan, Jesus condemned them as a brood of vipers who could never say anything good since their hearts were evil. He then went on to make the point that people are responsible for all their actions and words, which will acquit or condemn them on the day of judgment. In Matthew 12:36 He said, “I tell you that on the day of judgment, people will give an account for every worthless word they speak.”

Unfortunately, however, man is a rebel who wants to do his own thing without any or very little accountability for his actions. Since the fall of man (Gen. 3), this has been the case, but a worldwide phenomenon of our day is a defiance of any form of established authority whether religious or secular, social or political. This sad reality has colored the beliefs and actions of our present society worldwide. Without a sense of accountability to a sovereign God, the world can quickly gravitate in the direction of the ruthless acts and tyranny of people like Hitler. When God either does not exist in the beliefs of men or when the truth about God is distorted into man’s own image of who and what God is like, everything is permitted, morally speaking.

Today, we live in a time when, having fundamentally rejected the absolutes and clear teachings of Scripture, man seeks to make God accountable to him for his comfort and pleasure. Thus, people are not only doing what is right in their own eyes, but the prevailing attitude is ‘Do your own thing. You are only accountable to yourself and your own self-fulfillment.’ This is a shift from a God-centered perspective of life to a man-centered perspective. This is all part of man’s attempt to dismiss any accountability to God. The reality is that when men seek to ignore accountability to God and others, they leave themselves vulnerable to the cold misery of slavery and eventually to the menace of a dictator.

Accountability to God and to one another according to the directives of Scripture is the foundation for freedom and liberty. But what is true freedom and wherein lies its source? Freedom is not the right to do as one pleases as a capricious child. Certainly it means the capacity to exercise choice, but never so that it is devoid of responsibility or accountability. Freedom is both the responsibility and the ability, by the grace of God, to do what is right according to the absolute and righteous standards of truth as given to us in God’s Holy Word. Many see freedom as the right to abandon accountability to God and men in order to do what they please in the promotion of self gratification. But that is not freedom. It is slavery, or at least leads to slavery. Speaking of false teachers who either twist Scripture to their own self-centered objectives or deny its authority altogether, Peter writes, “…promising them freedom while they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by what a man is overcome, by this he is enslaved” (2 Pet. 2:19). Beliefs or one’s world view always has consequences. It is like a train which is free to do what it was created to do as long as it is on its track.

Accountability is one of the means God uses to bring about solid growth and maturity with the freedom to be what God has created us for. But as we’ve just stressed, the problem is that we live in a society that has become very individualistic. The prevailing attitude is be your own man or woman, do your own thing, be your own boss, and often this attitude is promoted or stated in a way that undermines accountability to God and others. The Bible in no way denies our individualism. Indeed, it promotes it, but in a way that holds us each accountable to others. Proper individualism leads to a certain amount of inventiveness, ingenuity, and freedom, but it can also breed license and irresponsibility without accountability. The fact is you can’t make disciples or produce growing and mature Christians without accountability.

The Justification for Accountability, It is biblical

There are numerous New Testament passages which teach the concept of accountability of the flock to the leaders (1 Thess. 5:12; 1 Tim. 3:1-5; Heb. 13:7, 17; 1 Pet. 5:2-3). But the elders are limited in their capacity to effectively promote accountability throughout the body of Christ. As the Lord was focused on only a few, the twelve and then the three, so the leaders should follow his example. The need for accountability goes beyond the leadership and falls into the realm of the “one another” concept of the New Testament.

Ephesians 5:21

First, it should be noted that “submitting” is the fourth in a series of adverbial participles. These can be detected in most translations by words that end in “ing” beginning with verse 19. These participles are best understood as expressing the results of the filling by means of the Spirit (vs. 18). Submission, which certainly includes accountability, is applied to the whole body of Christ as a Spirit-produced and mutual responsibility to promote obedience to Christ.

“Submitting” is hupotasso, a military word used of soldiers submitting to their superior or slaves submitting to their masters. In the middle voice as here, it carries the idea of voluntarily submitting or subordinating oneself. As a specific application of the various areas of accountability, hupotasso is applied in relation to God in 1 Corinthians 15:28, Hebrews 12:9, and James 4:7, to Christ in Ephesians 5:24, to wives in Ephesians 5:22,Colossians 3:18, Titus 2:5, and 1 Peter 3:1, to parents in Luke 2:51, to masters in Titus 2:9 and 1 Peter 2:18, to secular authorities in Romans 13:1, and in a general sense of a voluntary submission to others in the body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 16:16, 1 Peter 5:5, and here in Ephesians 5:21. Included in the word ‘submission’ are the ideas of authority and accountability to another. “In Scripture it appears in contexts describing servanthood, humility, respect, reverence, honor, teachableness, and openness”¹⁵⁵ and I might add, accountability. But we should quickly add that such submission or accountability is to bring about greater and greater obedience to the Savior as those first and foremost accountable to Him.

1 Peter 5:5

In the same way, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. And all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

In 1 Peter 5:5 we again meet with the word hupotasso. Here it is applied to younger men with older men of wisdom. But if accountability is going to work, there must be genuine humility toward one another (vs. 5b). Further, accountability with humility is related to humbling ourselves under God’s authority—its goal is becoming accountable to God.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, just as you are in fact doing.

Verse 11 uses two more terms which show the emphasis in the matter of accountability as believers minister to one another. “Encourage” is the Greek parakaleo. It means “to call along side to help, to enable, to comfort, exhort, encourage.” It is the verb form of the word used of the Holy Spirit as the comforter, encourager, helper, enabler, but the verb may also contain the idea of “exhort, appeal to, or challenge” to a certain behavior as in Romans 12:1; 15:30; 16:17. “Build up” is oikodomeo, “to build up, edify,” or “to restore, repair.” Accountability to one another always has as its goal the restoration and edification of others in their relationship with the Savior because we are all accountable to Him.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-14 (see also Heb. 13:7, 17)

Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who labor among you and preside over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them most highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 14 And we urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the undisciplined, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient toward all.

Verses 12-13 naturally point to a dual accountability. First, there is that of the leadership whom God holds responsible to care for His flock (Heb. 13:17). Then there is responsibility of the flock to submit to the leadership. These leaders, like shepherds, are responsible for the spiritual well being of the local church.

Verses 14-15 move us to the whole body and point to three methods by which we may help one another remain accountable to the Lord: by warning, encouraging, helping, and to three distinct need groups: the undisciplined, the discouraged, and the weak. From these verses we see how accountability has many faces or aspects as we learn to reach out to one another, but the goal is being accountable to the Lord by helping one another relate our lives to Jesus Christ by faith. Finally, this entire passage which deals with accountability concludes with a general application to all, “be patient with all men” followed by a warning in verse 15 that includes the goal or objective, seeking the good of others.

As seen in the previous study on Teamwork, 1Corinthians 12:20f teaches Christians are members of one body, not independent agents. In that regard, we are responsible to each other within certain limits. The Lord is the head of the body and that includes each member, but He works through the various members of the body and accountability to one another is one of the ways He holds us accountable to Him.

Illustrations and Types of Accountability

Within the church, the body of Christ, their are a number of illustrations of the form in which accountability make take shape in the process of making disciples.

(1) Paul with Timothy and Titus. If we each had a Timothy or a Titus, someone we are giving ourselves to, someone we are helping to grow, someone we are responsible for and who is responsible to us, certainly we would see a great deal more spiritual maturity and obedience.

(2) Paul and Barnabus. Paul had a Barnabus (a son of encouragement) with whom he could identify. Paul could go to him with problems and discouragement. He was someone with whom he could pray, or from whom he could get counsel, guidance, and encouragement. He was someone to give another viewpoint or perspective. As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

(3) A team or small group. This is not just a prayer group or a Bible study, but a small group of men or women with whom to interact, share ideas, pain, burdens, and victories. It is a small group like the disciples of the Lord or like a board of elders, those with whom we can pray and discuss the Word together without fear of rejection.

(4) Marriage illustrates another place where accountability takes place. If we are married we need to develop our relationship with our spouses so we can share our problems and concerns with each other, discuss them, and get honest input without fear of rejection.

(5) The local church. The local church consists of overseers, those who are to be responsible for and accountable to the flock, and there is the flock, those who are to be accountable and responsible to their leaders as Hebrews 13:17 teaches.

(6) The Godhead. Finally, The Son Himself, though God of very God, is subject to or accountable to the Father (1 Cor. 11:3; 3:23; 15:24-28).

With this in mind, it would be well to think about how one can implement this more in one’s own ministry. Mini-flocks provides an opportunity and team training another, but surely we need more accountability. One method is the buddy system where believers divide up into smaller groups of two or three who regularly meet for fellowship and input together.

Biblical Ways to Promote Accountability

An important question is what happens (or should happen) when a small team meets together?

Goals and objectives to promote Christ-like growth in measurable ways:

Meeting together is not just a time when good old boys meet to talk about fishing, football, or chew the fat. Here are some suggestions.

(1) Study: Part of the time should be spent around a portion of the Word, thinking together about what it means and how it applies.

(2) Prayer: This means it will be a time when the team shares needs and concerns. Pray together when you meet and covenant to pray for each other during the week.

(3) A schedule: Develop a schedule to give guidance in the use of time with the Lord, family, church, the team, etc.

(4) Report: Part of the team’s time should be spent sharing how each member has been doing—the battles, victories, problems, temptations, etc. How each one has been able or not been able to keep to their schedule, prayer time, study, etc.

Some guidelines and warnings:

(1) Be honest and humble about struggles. Watch the tendency to protect those comfort zones and layers of self-protection.

(2) Be patient, and understanding. Don’t come across as condemning. Maintain a spirit of acceptance of the other person. This does not mean there can’t be challenge, exhortation, and even rebuke, but it must be done in love and with patience and acceptance.

(3) Guard your tongue. In keeping with the biblical goal, guard against gossip and being critical. What is shared must be kept in strict confidence. Each person needs to know they can trust the others. (Prov. 16:27; 17:4, 27; 18:8, 21; 21:23; 26:30).

(4) Be faithful or dependable. Do the study or other assignments, show up, follow through.

Be Who You Want Your Teenager to Be

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Chris Jones

When asked about the greatest challenge school’s face today, a superintendent of a large school district said the following:

Parents are absent in the most important aspect of their children’s lives. There is a void we see in children’s lives that only they can teach. That void is character and ethics. Now they are asking us to teach it in our schools and to make it a regular part of our curriculum. It seems they expect administrators and teachers to teach their children ethics and basic human values. But an education system can never replace the importance of parents modeling this behavior at home. The parents who are lobbying for more of this curriculum in our schools are the same parents who take their children to a restaurant and tell them to lie about their age so they can get a cheaper meal. The same parents who attempt to rescue their child when they get in trouble at school or in extra-curricular activities. The same parents who routinely lie to administrators and teachers in order to protect their children from bad grades, tardiness, or an unexcused absence. Anything we could possibly teach children at school about ethics and character would be like pouring water into a bucket with a huge hole in the bottom because parents have the most influence in their children’s lives and, for the most part, they are not living ethical lives that display good character.

Research clearly shows that parents are the most powerful role model in their children’s lives. The bible clearly supports these findings. This is the basic principles taught in Deuteronomy chapter 6. Here God tells His followers how to live and what it means to be His follower. In the Hebrew culture Deuteronomy 6:4 (also applied to 6:4-9) is known as the “Shema.” It is extremely important in the Jewish culture. God tells His followers two important principles in these verses that have everything to do with parents as the primary teacher of their children.

1. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. God is basically telling His followers that we are to love Him through obedience with all of our lives.Our love is expressed to God through obedience. We obey through knowing His word and living it out in our homes and culture.

2. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. In others words, we are to live out God’s commands in our lives in front of our children. At home, and in our daily lives. The word diligence is a strong word that means earnestly and consistently. It comes from the same word that means, “To Sharpen.” We are to consistently teach and be an example of God’s precepts for our children.

This has the most impact in their young lives because it is the way God designed families and parenting. I love the common Hebrew saying. “A child speaks in the marketplace the way he heard his parents speaking at home.”

Psychologists remind us that the model parents present influence our children very early in their lives.

A report from the Journal of the American Medical Association:

Neonates are born with an instinctive capacity and desire to imitate adult behavior. That infants can, and do, imitate an array of adult facial expressions has been demonstrated in neonates as young as a few hours old, i.e., before they are even old enough to know cognitively that they themselves have facial features that correspond with those they are observing. It is a most useful instinct, for the developing child must learn and master a vast repertoire of behavior in short order.

The JAMA report also warns about the downside of pediatric modeling: Whereas infants have an instinctive desire to imitate observed human behavior, they do not possess an instinct for gauging a priori whether a behavior ought to be imitated. They will imitate almost anything, including behaviors that most adults would regard as destructive and antisocial.

That’s enough evidence to conclude that children grow and learn primarily from their parents or guardians who are their greatest influence.

We could also talk about recent studies that relate things such as smoking, drug/alcohol use, poor dieting habits, and even seatbelt use to parental influence. It seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Parental modeling isn’t the only determining factor in adolescent behavior and certainly we can cherry pick instances of teenagers who rise above negative parental influence, but the research is clear that parents have the greatest influence in their lives. This is both good and terrifying. Good because the research shows that parents can influence their teenagers. Terrifying because this puts more focus on parental coaching.

We must understand that adolescents learn the most from observed behavior. They learn from what they see more than what they hear. It’s like they have this built-in hypocrisy detector. They are less likely to do what you say if they don’t see it modeled in your life.

I recently read a great story of parental influence that demonstrates this fact.

A son goes to the store with his Mother. When she was checking out, the clerk failed to properly credit her for a promotional item. She tried in vain to correct the problem with the checkout clerk and was eventually directed to the store manager. The manager seemed to busy to discuss her complaint and was also uncooperative. After failing to reach an agreement on the oversight by the checkout clerk, the manager finally relented and reached into a cash drawer and handed her the appropriate compensation.

On their way home, the mother realized that the manager gave her more money than the promotional item was worth. She was already running late for an appointment and could not return to the market. That night the woman could not sleep. She kept thinking about the money in her wallet that did not belong to her. The next morning she rushed her children to get ready for school so she could stop by the store and refund the money. There in front of her children, she explained to the manager the mistake he made the previous day. The manager seemed uninterested in her story but took the money and returned it to the cash register drawer.

Months later, the woman’s son took a very difficult test at school. Most of his classmates bombed the test but her son received a grade of A+. As his teacher passed out the graded test, she commended him in front of the entire class. Then, because so many of her students did poorly on the test, the teacher decided to review the test with the class and correct the answers. During the review, the son realized he actually made a mistake on the exam but the teacher missed the error. Throughout the review the son struggled with his desire for the A+. Ultimately his guilty conscience prevailed. After class he approached his teacher and pointed out her grading error.

Later that night the son told his mother about the test and the grading error. She praised him for his honesty and his willingness to do the right thing. He told her that he really wanted to just keep the A+ but couldn’t do it. He said he just kept thinking about his mom giving the money back to the store manager. He said when he thought of what his mom did he knew what he had to do. The teacher was so impressed with his honesty, she rewarded him by giving him the A+ despite the mistake.

Most parents realize that values and perspectives must be planted by personal example. This isn’t a new concept. The problem for most adolescents is their parents are holding them to a standard they have not mastered and do not model in their lifestyle. This reminds me of my mother’s favorite saying. “Do as I say, not as I do.” I think this is a parent saying we use when we really don’t know what to say.

The hypocrisy has disastrous results. Teenagers begin to view their parents and other influential people in their lives as insincere. It does great damage to the parent-child relationship and eventually can cause teenagers to reject the moral authority of the adults in their lives. This is why so many teenagers begin to make their own decisions about right and wrong. A disaster waiting to happen.

Let’s be honest. Serving as a model for our children is hard work. Children see us at all hours of the day under all circumstances. If we have a temper they see it. If we tell a “Little white lie” they hear it. If we constantly complain and give off a general negative tone, they hear it. If we gossip, they hear our gossip. This is why our personal relationship with Christ must be our first priority. Our call as followers of Christ is to grow into the model he displayed during his life on planet earth and the words from God in our bibles. This is critical in our personal walk and those we influence. It’s out of this obedience that we have the power to live the life we so desire for our children. And when we blow it, and we will, we must respond appropriately to God’s expressed desire and use our mistakes as teachable moments for our children. It’s called honesty.

We have a great example of how important influence was in ancient Hebrew tradition.

It comes from a decision made by Abraham. Abraham was ready to find a suitable wife for his son Isaac. So he sends his servant off to find this wife. Abraham made his servant swear that he wouldn’t bring home a woman from the local Canaanites because they were known for being murderers and thieves. Abraham told his servant to choose a woman from Abraham’s homeland. But these women were known for being idol worshippers. This seemed strange to his servant. It seems strange to me.

Why would Abraham prefer an idol-worshipper over a murderer or thief? It had everything to do with their parents and how the women were raised. What’s the point? As parents we try our best to pass our traits and beliefs down to our children. But usually only our character traits pass instantly and without notification to our children. Our belief’s hover in spiritual no-man’s-land until our children choose to accept them or reject them.

Abraham understood that murder and theft resulted from corrupt character. He reasoned that a woman from a family with corrupt traits would necessarily pass those traits on to her children. Something he didn’t want for Isaac. Idol worship, in contrast, results from mistaken beliefs. Unlike the inheritance of character traits, parental beliefs do not necessarily penetrate too deeply and their superficial influence could be corrected quickly. Amazing. He essentially chooses a wife for Isaac based on her parental influence.

If we’re being honest, what are we teaching our children through our lives? We should never be surprised if we witness our children exhibiting the same character traits, and values we display in and through our lives. If you want to have the greatest impact on your children, be who you desire for them to be.

5 Decisions Teenagers Make That Damage Their Future (followthenarrowroad.com)
Don’t Ignore the “D” Word in Your Home. (followthenarrowroad.com)
7 Questions to Ask Your Teenager This Week (followthenarrowroad.com)

Helping Your Children Overcome Adolescent Fears

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Chris Jones

As children move into adolescence, they engage in a brand new culture. So many things begin to change in their lives. They begin to separate themselves into new peer groups. Acceptance becomes a key concern which leads to new behaviors and activities. School becomes more difficult as they wade through these adolescence changes. They begin to pull more toward independence as they grow mentally, physically and into new relationships.

This new world starts around their entrance into the 6th grade and really doesn’t end until they graduate from high school. Some studies show this even lingers into the college years. That’s why we call adolescence the “Formative years.” These six short years represent the period in your child’s life where they will experience the most change. Change in personality, habits, physically, social behavior, and spiritual formation.

These changes often result in deep feelings of fear. Yes, fear for the parents. I was terrified! I wanted to lock my daughters up and release them when they married. After I determined that sounded like a cult, I got over it. Parents fear these changes and some have hair loss or change in hair color to prove it. But it brings even more fear into the adolescent mind. It all happens so fast and is so powerful that fear is a natural reaction to this new culture. This is a natural reaction to the change going on both in their lives and the changes going on around them. Particularly in their peer culture.

The role of parents is critical during adolescence. I have a friend who has three teenage girls. He recently told me that real parenting didn’t begin until his daughters started middle school. “Suddenly,” he said, “Parenting is hard work!” Most parents will agree. Parents play a crucial role in helping their children sort out the new world and understanding the changes in their culture. More important, parents help their children work through the fear this change brings into their young lives.

Fear has the potential to completely immobilize your child. It can stop them from pursuing their interest and reaching their goals. It can also hinder them from reaching their full potential as a follower of Christ. They become paralyzed by their fear.

Parents play a pivotal role in helping their children understand and face these fears. These are teachable moments. Helping teenagers overcome their fears is a big part of their future success.

What is a teenager’s greatest fear? Fear of failure.

A recent survey among a large adolescent sample group found that failure was their greatest fear.

Teenagers live in a culture that has a tendency to measure success and failure based on superficial standards heavily influenced by media outlets. This leads teenagers to fear they aren’t pretty enough, thin enough, cool enough, strong enough, smart enough, and even fear they will greatly disappoint their parents by not living up to their idea for their lives. The fear is real and has great influence on their lives. It affects the way they dress, the activities they engage in, their choice of friends. It develops a sense of risk versus reward where they will only attempt the things that guarantee success. This is a dangerous president as they often settle for mediocrity.

Teenagers must understand that failure is often the greatest cause of future success. Sometimes we will fail in life. Some of us will fail often. I’m not bitter. With each failure is a golden opportunity to lean and grow. We are never guaranteed that everything we attempt will succeed. But be sure you will never succeed if you don’t at least try.

Parents. Allow your children to fail. Never discourage them from their ambitions. Well, unless those ambitions are immoral, dangerous, or involve anything to do with worshipping Satan. This sounds like crazy talk, but failure, when approached from a learning standpoint is incredibly valuable to their lives. Use it to their advantage.

Some of their fear is fueled by the need to please the people they love and trust the most. That’s their parents. Always encourage them to try the things that interest them. If they fail, use those failures as valuable teachable moments. This mentality greatly impacts their young lives.

We all know the story of basketball great Michael Jordan. Initially he was a failure at basketball. At the beginning of his sophomore season, Michael Jordan was cut from the high school team. He wasn’t good enough. That’s hard to imagine. The key to his future success was his ability to use those failures as moments of clarity. His mother used these failures to express her faith and love for him and to encourage him to continue working hard to achieve his dream. This pushed him to try harder. He would later say that her encouragement and love produced confidence in his ability to achieve. We all know the results. Michael Jordan will go down as one of the greatest players in basketball history.

We could fill this article with the names of people who experienced failure only to use those failures as a catalyst for success. Names like, Beethoven, actor Harrison Ford, comedian Jerry Seinfeld, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, and Albert Einstein. All experienced great failures in their lives only to go on to achieve amazing success. They all attribute their failures as the determining factor to their success.

I love this quote from Robert F. Kennedy.

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.”

Finally. It’s so important that your children understand the unconditional love you have for them. It’s so important that your children know your love for them isn’t based on performance. When they fail, and be sure, they will, take advantage of the opportunity to express your love for them and help them grow through the failures. This reassurance and act of love will produce confidence in their abilities and encourage them to press on toward their goals and passions.

Even bigger, help them understand God’s unconditional love for them. God is in the business of redeeming our failures for His glory. Anything we attempt for God’s glory is a guaranteed success! It’s not always easy, and the success is not always obvious, but it’s always a win. I like that.

3 Negative Thoughts Parents Can Help Erase From their Teen’s Mind (followthenarrowroad.com)
The Evolving Teenage Brain (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)
Don’t Ignore the “D” Word in Your Home. (followthenarrowroad.com)
5 Decisions Teenagers Make That Damage Their Future (followthenarrowroad.com)

Narrow Road Speaking

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Chris Jones

We are still relatively new to the blogging world and honestly feel we are only scratching the surface in this social media platform. It was never our intent to blog every day or to create a chart-busting blog. We were asked by friends in ministry to join the social media conversation of adolescent ministry and offer helpful articles for teenagers and parents. This is our passion.

All of the articles presented here are snippets of a bigger conversation. A conversation we love to have with parents through church ministries and public venues. We love to visit these forums to speak to parents and/or students. We speak in both informal small meetings and larger conferences. Even some school assemblies. We expand on some of the articles you can find here as well as other critical cultural adolescent issues.

The goal is for God to be glorified through our work as we encourage parents and students in their pursuit of the narrow road.

As youth ministry moves into the inevitable paradigm shift of family ministry, these conversations and consultations become a valuable tool for programs and churches who highly value teenagers. We feel driven by this truth.

Maybe all of that is just a colorful way of saying that we would love to come to your ministry or program and expand on the conversations you find on the Narrow Road blog. Contact us if this sounds interesting and you believe it can enhance your ministry or program. We look forward to meeting those who read our blog. Your support of this blog and our ministry continues to amaze. We never anticipated such a following and feel genuinely humbled that God would use us in this capacity.

Narrow Road Number: 256-777-6467 (Huntsville, Alabama)

Email: cmjones777@gmail.com (Chris Jones email)

Twitter: @cmjones7

Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/FollowTheNarrowRoad
(Please go LIKE us)

Grace!

Team Narrow Road

The State of Youth Ministry in America (followthenarrowroad.com)
The State of Youth Ministry in America Part 3: Intergenerational Service (followthenarrowroad.com)

5 Decisions Teenagers Make That Damage Their Future

Posted on April 27, 2012 by Chris Jones

Our Decisions greatly affect our lives. We’ve all made decisions we wish we could go back and undo. A sort of cosmic do-over. WE learn from our poor decisions and we move on. God forgives and restores. Here is a wonderfully terrifying thought. Teenagers are at a critical formative stage of their lives. The decisions they make now will certainly impact their present but also greatly impact their future.

Here’s a statistic that will shake you. One out of every one person will make decisions. I repeat, one out of every one person will make decisions. I decided to write that twice. See how that works?

Decisions are both active and passive. We can make decisions and act. We can also make decisions not to make decisions and in that we have just made a decision. Confused? We can decide to do something or we can decide not to do something. Either way our decisions have an impact. They impact our lives and the lives of those in our circle of influence.

The only real question is what kind of decisions do we make? And for parents, what kind of decision-maker is your teenager, and what kind of decision-maker are they going to be in the future?

Let’s dispel some of the myth of raising teenagers. Yes, parents are the mandated spiritual leader of their children. As parents, we have a direct mandate from God to raise our children following His precepts or suffer the natural consequences. Worse, our children suffer the consequences. But let’s not confuse parental leadership with personal obedience. Children are accountable to God for their decisions. Parents can pour their hearts out to their children but ultimately it’s up to the child to follow and obey. As much as parents want to own the decisions of their children, it is both theologically and practically impossible. God’s desire is that parents lead their children by teaching and modeling biblical truths. This is the standard to which parents are held accountable. But parents are never held accountable for the decisions of their children.

But let us make the most of every opportunity with our children.

Parents have the best opportunity to help their children make decisions that will improve their lives into adulthood. I’ve listed five decisions parents can warn their children from making to help keep them from wrecking their future.

1. Be Careful About Your Relationships. The people they spend time with will greatly influence the decisions they make. Get to know their friends. Help them understand this critical principle.

2. Never give up. Winners and losers face challenges. The key difference being the winners never give up.

3. Obey Your Parents. God has placed parents in the lives of teenagers to help guide them. Chances are, if they disrespect their parents, they will develop the propensity to disrespect most authority figures in their lives. A dangerous precedent that often leads to failure and disappointment.

4. Never make quick decisions. This is at the heart of most adolescent mistakes. Teenagers are impulsive by nature. Teach them to think through a situation before acting. It helps to avoid the timeless parent statement, “What were you thinking!” That’s the point. They weren’t.

5. Make things happen. Don’t wait for them to happen. Get off the sofa, away from the gaming device, computer, cellular device, television, and pursue your God-given destiny. The habits they develop now will greatly influence their future in areas such as academics, work, and relationships. In a culture that is moving toward entitlement, it is important to help teenagers understand the extreme value in working hard to reach a personal goal.

No parent wants their child to look back on their life with regret. Ultimately you can’t make decisions for them. They will own both their good and bad decisions. But if parents can help their children in the decision-making process now, it can prevent them from future failure and feelings of regret.

3 Negative Thoughts Parents Can Help Erase From their Teen’s Mind (followthenarrowroad.com)
“Train Up A Child..” – Parenting Amidst Today’s Media Tech Storm (psyche1002.wordpress.com)
7 Questions to Ask Your Teenager This Week (followthenarrowroad.com)
Parenting Adolescents and the Problems of Letting Go (psychologytoday.com)

Don’t Ignore the “D” Word in Your Home.

Posted on April 25, 2012 by Chris Jones

One of the key issues in the changing landscape of adolescent culture is discipline. Disciple in the home is essential in not only the social development of your child but also in their spiritual formation. It shows up in all aspects of their young lives and lingers into their adult lives.

The current public school mentality, (and this is not a knock on public schools), leans toward toleration. I just read an article from the National Education Administration that espouses leniency with students who exhibit “Poor life choices.” The logic being students are not to blame for their poor behavior. In other words, their mentality is don’t blame the child for the lack of discipline at home. This mentality trickles down to state school administrations because of federal contributions and ultimately into the classroom. Parents see this all the time. This mentality also calls into question the basic values of right and wrong in our world. It leans more toward situational ethics over a central standard of behavior.

This is a frightening mentality but we can agree with the changing national policy in one critical area. Discipline is the responsibility of the parents. There is little wiggle room for parents to cast blame. All human behavior and sociological research reveals adolescent behavior outside the home is almost always the result of the lack of discipline in the home. This sounds familiar.

Proverbs 29:15: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17: Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.

Proverbs 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Don’t you love the bible verses that talk about “The rod?” Relax parents. This carries more of an idea of creating barriers of discipline than beating your child into submission. And all the adolescent readers just said a collective, “Amen!”

The attitudes and actions your children display in your home will either drive you to madness or bring you extreme joy. But be certain. The behavior tolerated or ignored in your home will also be on display when children are not with mom and dad. We can project the blame to the lack of discipline in our school systems. Certainly it has major discipline issues. But the heart of discipline and adolescent behavior starts in the home. This is a biblical truth that we see lived out every day in our culture. Yes, there are plenty of examples of poor life-choices from students who come from loving families and receive appropriate barriers of discipline. But the overwhelming evidence reveals that most discipline problems come from the lack of discipline in the home.

All recent studies reveal that parents who invest time in lovingly correcting and disciplining their children consistently can look forward to this rewarding behavior:

1. Children doing their chores without someone asking them to do them.

2. Children offering to help with something around the house that is not usually their responsibility.

3. Parents receiving appreciation and even compliments from their children with no hidden agenda.

4. Children contributing to the overall health of the home.

5. Children not having to be asked twice.

6. Children respecting their siblings.

7. Children are more polite, thoughtful, and respectful of adults at home and in their world.

8. Children who are more productive at school.

9. Children who contribute to society.

10. Children who succeed in their endeavors beyond their adolescent years.

This sounds like a utopian idea. I get it. But it’s hard to debate empirical research.

One day your child will take, shake, and walk off a stage. This is a proud moment for all parents. They will turn the tassel and walk out into their adult lives. At this point parents are more on the sidelines of their lives as opposed to coaching. More of an advisor. With their formative years in their rearview mirror, the loving discipline and parental barriers are now critical to their success.

Love your children enough to discipline them before you miss the opportunity.

Parenting Adolescents and the Problems of Letting Go (psychologytoday.com)
What Kind of Discipline is Right for Kids? (psychologytoday.com)
Discipline vs. punishment (help4yourfamily.com)

Raise Money for Africa mission trip | YouCaring

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Chris Jones

Hello Friends! This is Courtney Lee and her grandmother. God has led them to serve in Africa this summer. What an amazing call. As most of you know, there are so many needs among the African people. Both physical and deep spiritual needs. Courtney feels led by God to help meet some of these needs. I am so proud of her. God looks good on her.

You can help support Courtney’s call by clicking on the link below. All donations, from $1 to $1000 helps Courtney serve the desperate people in Africa.

Read her story and support Courtney today!

Raise Money for Africa mission trip | YouCaring.

3 Negative Thoughts Parents Can Help Erase From their Teen’s Mind

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Chris Jones

Sometimes being a teenager is a tough job. Especially in the area of self-confidence. A significant amount of their self-worth hinges on the actions of their peers. Teenagers are extremely susceptible to believe the perception others have about them and own this as a truth. The problem is, these sometimes negative perceptions come from peers who are struggling through the same self-identity. They are almost always wrong and usually an effort by their peers to project their perceived negative image of something in their life.

Recent research indicates that teenagers are extremely receptive to suggestions, especially when they come from peers or trusted sources. When a teenager tells their peers something negative they might accept the criticism and form a false belief. This is often the catalyst for low self-esteem which carries several other negative consequences for teenagers. In essence, they begin to believe what people say about them and unfortunately internalize this through negative actions. They simply give up on certain aspects of their lives. Maybe its grades, an extra-curricular activity, or even withdraw socially.

Sounds messy! It is. Welcome to the mind of your teenager! Teenagers often base their self-worth on what other’s think about them. This is why they work hard to connect with those they see as successful. The thought being, “If I am more like them, I will be accepted and therefore, cool.” It affects a large part of their life. The clothes they wear, the places they go, the activities they take part in, how they treat their parents, and on and on it goes.

The problem with this is their sense of self-worth is largely based on the standards of a messy world that is in contrast to God’s desire. Followers of Christ should base their self-worth on God’s word and His passionate love for us. This is critical.

When I lived in Indiana I had a friend who owned a little home decoration shop. Knowing I am a fan of the arts and interesting things, she would always call me when she received a unique art piece in her shop. One day she calls to tell me she was selected to display a piece of art by Vincent Van Gogh. Say what! You know, the guy who lost an ear in a fight with a friend? What do I do? I make a B-line for her shop! Once I arrive I notice an armed guard at the entrance and an area roped off around this picture that was no bigger than a standard 8 1/2 x 11 inch piece of printing paper. Crazy. She meets me at the entrance and takes me through the crowd of people to see this “Amazing” work from one of the greatest artist of all-time.

Boy was I disappointed! I’m looking at the picture, trying to see the beauty and hype surrounding this piece of art and all I can think of is, “Really?” I was trying to keep my composure in the now crowded little shop. I whisper to my friend, “How much is this painting worth?” She whispers back, “Almost $800,000.” I almost hit the floor! Here was this small painting that literally looked like someone lost their lunch on a piece of paper and called it art. It looked like something a 6-year-old child could paint. I say to my friend, “Are you serious! That thing is worth almost $800,000?” Of course I began to joke with her about the fact that this throw up on a piece of paper could cost that much. They needed an armed guard for this! She laughs at me and says the most profound thing. She said, “Chris, it’s not what the painting looks like that gives it value, it’s who made it.”

Isn’t this a perfect representation of God and His children. It’s not what we look like that gives us our value, and our sense of self-worth. It’s who made us. We are “Fearfully and wonderfully made,” God “Knit us together in our mothers womb,” and we were ”Created in God’s image.”

If the teenager can purpose to believe the promises of God and not the immature comments from friends who are struggling though the same mental land mines, it would literally change their young lives. If teenagers can just see themselves as God see’s them and not how they are sized up by a messy, egocentric world.

Parents have the unique opportunity to greatly influence their children’s self-image. All of the recent stats show that teenagers value the opinions of their parents over all others. It’s not even close! This opens the door for parents of teenagers to build the promises of God into their child’s life through actions and words. An important role of the parent is helping to shape the self-worth of their children. I cannot stress this fact enough. Our actions, or the lack thereof, and our words have a tremendous impact on how teenagers feel about themselves. This is another reason it is critical for parents to model and speak the truth of God’s word into their children’s lives. It is a role that only parents can fill.

3 Negative Thoughts Parents Can Help Erase From their Teen’s Mind

1. “No one cares about me.” Teenagers often resort to self-pity to deal with disappointment or hurt. They must hear the message from their parents that people do care. They MUST know that their parents care. Most importantly, that God cares.

2. “I won’t succeed.” While they may not hear these exact words, teenagers often perceive through the actions of those they trust that they are incapable of achieving in a particular area. Teachers might lead them to believe they aren’t smart enough. Friends might lead them to believe they aren’t pretty, or cool enough. Parents might lead their children to believe they will never amount to anything significant. But Christian teenagers have every reason to have confidence that if they are walking with God they will succeed. Philippians 4:13 is a promise to quote to your teenager. “I can do all things through Him (Christ) who strengthens me.” Through this promise from God, teenagers will know that even when they fail or blow it, God is still at work in their young lives and is faithful to help them carry out His purposes. Huge! This literally says that nothing, not even the seemingly impossible, not even the things people tell you that you can’t do, is impossible with God. He makes all things possible.

3. “I’m Just going to Quit.” When teenagers feel they aren’t going to achieve success at a particular task, the response is to give up. Certainly there are valid reason’s why a teenager might want to stop participating in a particular activity, but most often it is the result of believing they won’t succeed. The natural response from parents in a “Buddy parent” culture is to allow their child to quit. This is a tragic mistake. This almost always communicates to your child that you agree with their assessment that they cannot succeed in that particular task. What does this teach? When things get difficult just quit.

Another reaction from parents is to do the task for their child in an effort to help them succeed. Teacher gave you a bad grade? I’ll go take care of this for you. Let me handle it. Coach not giving you playing time? I’ll have a word with that coach. I’ve even met with parents who went to their teenagers job to protest his lack of hours. So what does this communicate to your child? When things get tough, I will step in and do it for you.

Both of these approaches hinder your child’s ability to overcome a defeated/quitter mentality. If fact, most of what our teenagers see in our culture is a result of this warped mentality. A good indicator of how this affects children later in life is obvious in various immoral social behaviors commonly practiced in our culture and is a hot topic of debate in the current political season.

Two facts that come out of a recent study:

1. Parents of successful teenagers always encourage their children to finish what they start. This should be a prerequisite to engaging in all activities. If you want to play baseball I will support you 100%. But know this before you begin.You must finish what you start. Quitting is not an option.

2. Parents of successful teenagers educate their children on the consequences of poor decisions and/or use bad choices to educate. It sounds like this; “I will help you if you are struggling with a particular subject in school, but your grades will always be the result of your efforts and commitment. I will not do it for you. Let’s talk about the consequences if you choose to blow off this class.” Failure is inevitable for all of us. But our failures and bad decisions bring opportunity for tremendous growth. If we constantly rescue or children from their poor choices and failures we will miss an amazing opportunity to help them grow and perhaps cripple them for life.

Christian parents should talk with their children about the example of Christ. Despite unimaginable consequences, Jesus didn’t quit. He doesn’t have a quitting spirit, and He didn’t put a quitting spirit in your teenager. Encourage them to persevere using Christ Jesus as the greatest example.

It is also important to talk to your teenagers about God’s idea of success versus the worlds idea. Teenagers often measure success by the world’s standard which can take them far from God’s desire. This can lead them to take part in good and morally sound activities that actually hinder their spiritual growth. Christian parents help shape their children by helping them think through what’s best for their relationship with God, not their relationship with the world and its idea of success. After all, the things we can achieve in this world, success, prominence, coolness, or monetary gain, will one day disappear and the only thing that will matter on that day is what we did with Christ Jesus. Parents of teenagers often put more emphasis on the temporary over the eternal.

A couple of verses that will encourage your teenagers toward perseverance:

Jeremiah 29:11; Philippians 4:13

Last Thing . . .

It is critical for your teenager to see their life in relation to being a follower of Jesus. This is what Paul means when he tells the church at Colossae (Colossians 3:17), “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Everything we do as followers is to bring God glory and used for His purposes both in our lives and in the lives of those He allows us to influence. This changes everything. We play baseball for God’s glory and His purposes. We study for our test to bring God glory and for His purposes. We take a job and work hard to bring God glory. Imagine how this can greatly change a teenagers perspective! Maybe the conversation can look like this:

Daughter: Hey! I love you. Did you have a good day? Can I help you with something? Oh, by the way, can I start taking dance lessons?

Parent: Dance lessons? Why do you want to take dance lessons?

Daughter: Because it looks fun, and I’ve always wanted to do it, and my friend is taking dance, (takes a breath), and I will clean my room every day and do all my jobs around the house if you will let me take dance! Please, please, please!!!! (Gives pout face)

Parent: Do you think this is something God wants you to do? How can you see God using these dance lesson?

Daughter: God? What does God have to do with me taking ballet? Did I tell you how much I like your hair today?

Can you imagine the potential for a great, relevant, and real world conversation between parent and teen? Can you also imagine how this will help your child stick to their commitments? It changes the focus from doing something to bring them glory (which when they fail they will just quit and see themselves as a failure), to engaging in an activity to bring God glory. It makes all the difference.

Parents are in the absolute best position to help shape their teenagers perspective of themselves and ultimately understand their relationship with God. Teenagers who understand their position in Christ and learn to live their lives according to His purposes will still fail. They will still make mistakes. The big difference is their failures and mistakes are now viewed within the context of their relationship with a loving Father. A wonderful Savior who did not fail, loves us unconditionally, and is able to take our failures and messiness and use them for our good and His glory.

Love God. Love Parents and Teenagers!

7 Questions to Ask Your Teenager This Week (followthenarrowroad.com)
Parents as role models (followthenarrowroad.com)

7 Questions to Ask Your Teenager This Week

Posted on April 9, 2012 by Chris Jones

WARNING: Asking these questions carries a risk. Your children might think you’ve lost your mind. Ask them anyway. They already think their parents are weird! Keeps them on their toes.

Asking questions is a great way to learn and grow as a parent raising teenagers. Raising a teenager is difficult. Mark Twain gave good advice to parents who are raising teenagers.

“When a boy turns 13, put him in a barrel and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16 plug the hole.”

There are days when Twain’s method of raising teenagers is tempting. His point? Raising teenagers is a full-contact sport. Asking questions helps establish a critical dynamic with your children. It communicates that you value their input and have a genuine interest in their life.

Asking your child questions also helps you gain perspective on their young lives. More than anything, it opens the door to open and honest communication between parent and child. Let’s think. When is the last time you had a true conversation with your child? I’m not talking about the usual “Check-list” conversation where we go through a series of “Did you” questions that only require a groan, head nod, or eye roll. I’m talking about a conversation where you are seeking honest answers that values their answers.

Recent statistics show that parents only spend about 30 minutes a day communicating with their children. Communication being defined as face-to-face conversations that includes sharing and hearing, not the usual inquisitions.

Mark Twain gives great advice on raising teenagers.

The ever-expanding social media culture actually creates a deeper desire in teenagers for human interaction. God designed all of us to crave this type of interaction. Text messaging, Facebook/Twitter posting, while valuable to this culture, can never replace or fill the longing for knee-to-knee communication. Social media actually creates a great opportunity for parents. Combine this paradigm with the fact that teenagers value their parent’s opinion more than anyone on the planet and you have fertile ground for great conversations.

Bottom line: Your children value your time more than anything in their young lives. It is the best way to communicate your love for them. Asking questions and listening to their responses is a great way to spend some of that time. Here are some questions to get the ball rolling.

Seven Questions to ask your teenager in the next week:

1. How can I be a better parent to you?

Take a deep breath when asking this one! You may not like their answer but bite your tongue and listen to their input. This can also elicit immature responses of “Give me a new iPad.” Scratch beneath the surface of their answers. Asking for a new iPad might communicate more than you think.

2. Who are your friends and why are they your friends?

Careful with this one. This question often puts teenagers on the defensive. They often hear this as “Will I approve of your friends?” Knowing your teenagers friends helps parents learn a lot about their children. It communicates what they value in a friend and let’s us know who is influencing their lives. Avoid judgment but talk through why you might have concerns about some of their friends. Especially if they have a friend who worships Satan . . .

3. What do you think are some things I can do better?

Again, brace yourself for their responses. This might sting but can go far in helping you be a better parent. Avoid becoming defensive. A defensive posture kills honest communication.

4. When do you feel most proud?

This question communicates what they value.

5. What was the best thing that happened to you today? Why?

If they say, “Lunch,” or “When the last bell rang,” they might be communicating it was a tough day. Talk through that. They might just really like the Sloppy Joe’s the school serves.

6. What kind of career could you see yourself getting into after you graduate? Why?

Don’t turn into a courtroom atmosphere with leading questions like, “Wouldn’t you like to be a doctor?” Just ask and listen to their response. Be concerned if they say, “Professional wrestler,” but avoid falling out of your chair or driving into a ditch if you are asking these questions while driving.

7. What upsets you more than anything?

This question speaks volumes about what they value. You might be surprised to learn the things that upset them the most are the same things that upset you the most. A true connecting point. I recently talked to a parent who asked her teenage son this question. He is struggling with grades this year. She was floored to learn that the thing that upsets him the most was making bad grades. When she asked him “Why” he said, “Because I really want to make you proud.” This communicated to her that her teenage son believed she wasn’t proud of him because he was struggling with bad grades. This led to an hour-long conversation between mom and son where she communicated all the things in his life that made her very proud of him. That’s “Way Cool!” That conversation will stick with him for the rest of his life.

The absolute best way to communicate love to your teenager is your time. A great way to spend some of that time together is showing them that you value their thoughts. It will make a tremendous difference in your relationship and opens the door to things like trust, honesty, and deep spiritual matters.

Check out this GREAT website that helps parents communicate with their teens: Communicating With Your Children

I want your input! Drop me an email or comment below if you ask your teenagers some of these questions this week. I never share comments from parents without their consent.

Parents as role models (followthenarrowroad.com)
Helicopter Parents, You’re Damaging Your Kids! Stop Hovering! (blogher.com)
The Danger of Not Talking to Your Children About Race (parenting.blogs.nytimes.com)

5 Ways to Help Your Teenager Be A “Cool Kid” Without Destroying Their Reputation

Posted on April 2, 2012 by Chris Jones

The cool kids! Oh yeah. We all know them. Everyone secretly wants to fit in with the cool kids . . . Right? Not necessarily. But there is a strong drive within the teenage mind to fit in with the mythical “Popular Kids.” This desire can often lead them to compromise their faith and moral upbringing.

We asked a small group of middle school teenagers last night; “What is something that you believe causes people your age to blow it with God?” The overwhelming response. “Trying to fit in with the popular kids.” Their answers to what teenagers might do to belong that tribe were eye-opening.

Popularity consumes a large part of the teenage mind and has the potential to greatly influence their self-esteem. This isn’t news. Popularity has always been the opiate of the teenage masses.

Popularity isn’t a bad thing. In fact, Jesus was very popular during most of His ministry. The key difference is that he never compromised His character or morals to gain acceptance. It is possible to encourage your teenager in their natural desire to become one of the “Cool kids” by making good choices and not comprising their faith in the process.

5 Principles to Popularity Teenagers Can Embrace Without Losing their Integrity

When you do something, anything, do it to the best of your ability. Excellence always draws a crowd.
Promote their peers and their accomplishments, not their own. This allows God to exalt them.
Never limit your dreams by your circumstances. People are always drawn to people who are filled with hope and faith.
Be kind to everyone. Genuinely nice teenagers are NEVER short on friends.
Always stand up for what is right despite the personal consequences. Teenagers in today’s culture are desperately searching for real heroes.

Popular Teenage/Church Culture Articles (followthenarrowroad.com)

God is Able Video.

Posted on March 31, 2012 by Chris Jones

Video we created for a Sunday morning message at the AOP.

Sarah Whitmore is a senior at Grissom High. She travels back to Costa Rica today to bring Christ to the nations.

The New Life Series: “Now Go. Serve God.”

Posted on March 23, 2012 by Chris Jones

Costa Rican Children

As I was thinking about this article, different issues and topics came to mind. However, because of the relevancy and the Holy Spirit’s pull on my heart, I chose to discuss God’s direction for Christians to spread the Word to all nations.

Matthew 24:14 states that “…this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations…” In a couple of days I will return to Costa Rica for a week, which is my second time in that beautiful country. In Costa Rica, what is so eye-opening is that they pray to the same God, but with a different language. This helped me understand how BIG God truly is, and how His love is so great and beautiful. A long time ago languages were created to cause chaos, but God knew what He was doing; a different language does not separate people from the Almighty God – it simply paints a picture of the diversity of the world that is still crafted under one God. If I never had the opportunity to travel to Costa Rica, I would have never had the powerful realization that no matter what language, when someone prays to God, He is listening.

God calls us to take His word and His gospel and teach it to all nations. We must never hesitate to do this because some people will never even hear God’s name unless Christ followers bring it to them. While walking among the Godless villages in Costa Rica, my purpose is clear. If no one goes to spread the beautiful gospel of Jesus, they may never know how much He loves them. That Jesus was willing to die for them.

It has become clear to me that God gave us a mouth, feet, and a Bible to share the Gospel! However, traveling to a foreign country is not always required. Last weekend I helped lead a wonderful group of youth to a church in Birmingham where we donated over 150 coats and blankets. This church was a place of Christian love and radical hospitality. All people were welcome, regardless of age, gender, race, economic status, ethnic background, mental or physical ability, or sexual orientation. My eyes and heart are opened to how simple but lovely a place of worship and prayer can be. We served lunch and talked to some of the people who were all very thankful for our service. So beautiful.

Jesus sends us to a lost and broken world to bring restoration because now that Christ has rescued us, we must, in turn, go rescue His people. Genesis 1:27 states that “… God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him…” When we are “Recreated,” through the blood of Christ, we are now able to walk for Him. We carry the light of Jesus so that we never have to fear the darkness, and so we can defeat the darkness of sin with His amazing light. 2 Corinthians 4:6 states that “…for God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”

Just as God has many times, I also urge you, as your sister in Christ, to take God’s Word seriously. Jesus’ mandate comes from his passion for all people to come to Him. This is a command, and when we choose to follow it, we are rewarded with the overwhelming grace and love of Christ as He moves in the lives of others.

Jesus is with you always. He will never abandon you. Now go. Serve God. Spread His love and message to all.

Sarah Whitmore is a senior at Grissom High. She travels back to Costa Rica today to bring Christ to the nations.

-Sarah Whitmore

(Sarah is traveling back to Costa Rica today. She is using her spring break to go and share Jesus with the nations).

George Whitefield Quote – That God And Man Might Be Happy Together Again! (haroldcameron.wordpress.com)
Philippians (Week 2) (slideshare.net)

The New Life Series . . . Thoughts from a High School Senior

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Chris Jones

If you ask a high school senior what consumes most of their thoughts, the answer would most likely be college. So many people have spent years dreaming of finding the perfect dorm, the perfect roommate, the perfect place to start fresh and finally begin their new, independent lives. I’ve spent the last few months looking to the future… It’s hard to stay focused on the present when there are so many exciting things just around the corner.

But where does this leave me in my walk with Christ?

It’s easy to say that I’ll go to college in the fall and immediately start looking for a church to call my own, but will I really do that? What happens if I don’t? What happens if I can’t find a church to connect with? What happens when I find myself so entranced by a new city, new friends, new freedom… That I forget about putting my relationship with God first?

The obvious thing most people go to when they think about college affecting their Christianity is drinking. I agree, the temptations when you’re living on a campus away from home will be much stronger – but is that really the only thing we need to worry about? Is it not just as sinful to gossip about the weird girl down the hall or judge people who are going out and partying?

My main concern is that I will forget. That I will wake up in the morning and say “Hmm, I’ll read my bible tonight,” then when the night rolls around I’ll say “I’m just so tired, I’ll read my bible tomorrow.” Then tomorrow turns into next week and next week turns into next month. Maintaining a relationship with Jesus is hard on our world! It takes work, and for some reason when our lives start to become too busy, we seem to put God at the end of our priority list. And I’m scared because it will be so easy to get distracted by all the new people, places, opportunities… and just forget.

So you might ask, what am I doing now to prepare myself for the upcoming changes in my life? That’s just the thing.. It’s not about what I can do, it‘s about what HE can do. I continue to pray that I will remain close to God and I know He loves me so much that He will do everything in His power to keep me near. I pray that He surrounds me with kind, compassionate, loving people who help push me closer to Him. God loves us more than we could ever imagine, and He desires a relationship with us. All it takes is for us to pursue Him, and he will always be there. So while it’s easy to sit here and worry about what God has planned for my future, I’ve decided to simply trust that He has an amazing plan for me… For ALL of us!

-Regan Kennamer

Regan Kennamer is a high school senior at Grissom HS

Out of the Pit. Onto the Rock. (followthenarrowroad.com)

Video: Recent Message by Chris Jones. “The Great Proposal”

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Chris Jones

The bride longs for the Bridegroom

The Great Proposal

The Great Proposal part 2

The Great Proposal part 3

The Great Proposal part 4

Cheesy Christian T-shirts

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Chris Jones

I think Jesus is about to slam dunk on Satan. SMH

So I have this weird hobby. I love photography and often take my camera along as I travel and attend various events. One habit is searching out cheesy Christian t-shirts and taking a picture. The cheesier the better. You may wonder, “what makes a Christian t-shirt cheesy?” Good question. I mean, on the surface it seems a bit mean-spirited to take a picture of a t-shirt someone is wearing and obviously values. That’s not the goal of this epic quest. I never include the faces of the, em, victims.

There seems to be a genuine lack of creativity in designing Christian t-shirts. Most mass producers take a popular saying or marketing scheme in our culture and spiritualize it. Abercrombie and Fitch becomes “ABreadCrumb and Fish.” Seriously? “Air Jordan” becomes “Air Jesus.” You get the idea. I think they use Jedi mind tricks to get unsuspecting victims to wear their swag. In my heart I feel these victims will one day come to their senses and think, “What am I wearing?” I have a dream . . .

So, with that, in the spirit of saving people from obvious embarrassment and wake them from their marketing hypnosis, I give you Cheesy Christian t-shirts.

Please forgive us If you own one of the shirts we present. We are trying to save you from yourself. We want to help you. This is a nobel quest. We plan to post a few pictures a week to liberate you from this atrocity.

**Before you flood our email with nasty grams, know my tongue is firmly planted in my cheek. Laugh a little. Good for the soul.

See, because CooCoo is a cool. Right? SMH. This is really a Christian t-shirt . . .

Cheesy Christian T-Shirt of the Day (New entry)

Oh yeah. Be the MAN for Jesus!

I mean, who doesn’t want to “Be the Man?” I think nothing represents “The Man” more than a picture of a dude wearing a “Wife-Beater” t-shirt, gauged ear, G.I. Joe beard, and an ultra cool tattoo of Jesus that reads, “He died for me.” When I think about being “The Man” this is always what comes to my mind. Who is that dude? A.J. from the Backstreet Boys? Oh yeah, “Backstreet’s back Alright!”

I'm the Man!

Cheesy Rating Scale: 1-10. 1 = acceptable. 5 = borderline but prone to criticism. 10 = total embarrassment

Cheesy T-shirt: “The Man” t-shirt

Cheesy rating: 10

Creative t-shirt rating: This shirt sets Christianity back 100 years. I do give points for using AJ from the Backstreet Boys as your inspiration but immediately deduct them for using AJ as the inspiration for your t-shirt.

Comments: If you want to be “The Man,” NEVER wear this t-shirt in public. Not only will you NOT be “The Man,” but you will drop to creeper status with all of your friends. No one wants to be “That guy.”

Past Winners (or Losers)

You know, like "Facebook," only it's "faithbook." Get it?

Very clever Christian t-shirt idea. “Just add Jesus as your friend.” This reminds me of “Buddy Jesus.” Because Jesus just wants to pal around with you and post inspirational messages to your Facebook page. Begs the question, “What Would Jesus Post?” I see a new t-shirt in the future. Perhaps an entire youth sermon entitled, “If Jesus was your Facebook friend, what would you have to change about your Facebook page?” Bad theology t-shirt with a huge cheese factor. This is not the bacon.

Cheesy Rating Scale: 1-10. 1 = acceptable. 5 = borderline but prone to criticism. 10 = total embarrassment

Cheesy T-shirt: “faithbook” Shirt

Cheesy rating: 9

Creative t-shirt rating: I award you no points for creativity and may the Lord have mercy on your soul.

Comments: Facebook is a creative idea that enhances the way people communicate. “Faithbook” t-shirt is a terrible idea that enhances the perception that all Christians are mouth breathers.

Oh, I see what you did here. You took the delicious chocolate drink “YooHoo” and turned into a Christian t-shirt. Clever.

Creative t-shirt rating: We are all worse off by the amount of creativity it took to dream up this shirt. You’re better than this Christian t-shirt company!

Comments: Parents, if your child is acting like a child on drugs, (like a child in Wal-Mart who has succumbed to whatever they pump into the air and is begging you for a toy like their life depends on it) about buying this shirt, just say no and walk away. You will save them from public ridicule and the loss of major cool points.

Christian Schlock: Jesus Loves Nerds (jasonthedce.wordpress.com)

Popular Teenage/Church Culture Articles

Posted on February 24, 2012 by Chris Jones

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On Barna’s Six Reasons Why Young Christians Leave Church: Hiding Behind Church Culture (howtofalldown.wordpress.com)

Missing the Home run . . .

Posted on February 19, 2012 by Chris Jones

Maybe I shouldn’t admit it, but I’m a huge Brad Pitt fan. Maybe it’s because I look so much like him . . . We all have our burdens to bear. I think he is a great actor and his movies are among my favorite. Of course I separate his personal life from his talent. I’m just a huge movie fanboy and his movies often inspire great thought.

Such was the case after watching his latest movie, “Moneyball.” I finally convinced my wife to watch it last night. She sort of owed me because I went and sat in a theater full of women to watch “The Vow.” I digress. I was almost mobbed during that movie because I laughed during the scene when one of the main characters is ejected through a car window. Women were throwing Raisinets at me. I repented. I was pleasantly surprised that my wife liked Moneyball. Again, I’m sure it was because Brad Pitt reminded her of me.

Jonah Hill is also in this movie. A more serious role for Jonah. He plays the part of Peter Brand, a fictional character developed to play the real-life Paul DePodesta. Paul DePodesta is a Yale-educated research geek, who can crunch numbers and come up with canny suggestions about finding true baseball diamonds in the rough.

Billy Beane

There is a scene at the end of the movie where Billy Beane is seriously considering leaving Oakland for the new position at Boston. His mind is all but made up. Who could blame him? A bigger salary and the opportunity to lead a team with a storied history and resources to bring in the best of the best professional athletes. As I watched the movie I was thinking, “What’s there to think about?”

Jonah Hill’s character comes to speak to Billy Beane about his decision. It seems Peter Brand knew Billy was leaving. This is the dialog from the scene. Bear with me. This is an important part of the article.

Peter Brand: How was Boston?
Billy Beane: Impressive.
Peter Brand: Did Henry (owner of the Boston Red Sox) make you a good offer at least?
Billy Beane: Doesn’t matter.
Peter Brand: What was it?
Billy Beane: Doesn’t matter!
Peter Brand: What was it?
Billy Beane: It doesn’t matter!
Peter Brand: What was it?
[Billy takes out the paper with the offer written on it and passes to Peter and he reads it]
Peter Brand: Well, at least you will be the highest paid GM in the history of sports.
Billy Beane: So? So what? You know, I made one decision in my life based on money and I swore I would never do it again.
Peter Brand: You’re not doing it for the money.
Billy Beane: No?
Peter Brand: No. You’re doing it for what the money says and it says, well it says, that any player that makes big money, that they’re worth it.

Peter Brand ask Billy Beane to come down to the film room. He wanted to show him something about a player he was observing. As the video plays for Billy Beane, Paul begins to narrate this scene.

Peter Brand: This is the Visalia Oaks minor league team and our two hundred and forty pounds catcher, Jeremy Brown, who as you know is scared to run to second base. This is in the game six weeks ago. This guy is gonna start him off with a fast ball. Jeremy’s gonna take it to deep center.

[the tape shows Jeremy hitting the ball and he starts running toward first base. Peter pauses the tape]

Peter Brand: Here’s what’s really interesting. Because Jeremy is gonna do what he never does, he’s gonna go for it. He’s gonna round first and he’s gonna go for it. Okay?

[he starts the tape again and Billy watches it closely]

Peter Brand: This is all Jeremy’s nightmare’s coming to life. [the video shows Jeremy running around first and falling down. He scrambles to make it back to first base before being thrown out]
Billy Beane: Ah, they’re laughing at him.
Peter Brand: And Jeremy’s about to find out why.

[he pauses the tape again]

Peter Brand: Jeremy is about to realize that the ball went sixty feet over the fence. He hit a home run and didn’t even realize it.

Peter was using the video as a metaphor to tell Billy Beane that what they accomplished in Oakland, with that budget and that team was a home run and Billy missed it. He hit a home run and didn’t even realize it. Billy was looking at the wrong definition of success. In the process he missed what mattered most.

I scramble for my journal to write all of this down. It resonates.

I think this scene is a perfect metaphor for those who serve in ministry. Sometimes we get caught up in the world’s idea of success. I attend conferences and visit youth pastors all over the United States and the conversations usually turn to numbers and facilities, and some new cool program. We tend to measure our success by our budgets and the number of noses showing up on our campuses. Maybe we write a book and get asked to speak. Man, we’re really somebody now! We often compare our ministries in ignorance to other ministries that seem to really have it going on. We sometimes become defeated when we feel like we don’t measure up. Our numbers aren’t as good as that church, our facilities are terrible, my salary is a joke, which leads to thoughts of “If only.” If only, then . . .

If we measure our success based on the worlds standards we will always come up short. We will sometimes feel defeated. Some will dust off their résumé and look for a better position. The average stay for a youth pastor in America is somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 years. It takes at least 2 years to even establish a ministry. Others just walk away from ministry in defeat. To many great pastors simply give up under the weight of a performance based mentality. This was never the standard. This is not God’s standard. When did we take our eyes off of God’s standard for success in ministry and focus on the world?

This is God’s standard for ministry. Love God with all you have. Love others as yourself. He goes on to say, “All of the law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Jesus spends three years giving us an example of what this looks like in our lives. There is no standard for numbers. There is no mention of great facilities or salary. The standard for success is to obey God and love others. If we follow this standard, the rest will take care of itself. God will once again be allowed to be the head of our church communities. Imagine a church that simply obeys God and measures their success on the Great Commandment instead of the worlds idea of success. Imagine pastors who only seek to please God and measure their success on how well the ministry they lead fulfills the Great Commandment.

I received a call from a friend in ministry last week. He is frustrated in his current position and wanted me to start looking for a new church where he could serve. We talked about the problems he was facing. All of them had to do with numbers and the lack of funds to improve the ministry beyond its current state. His thought was more money would produce more students and more students would make his pastor happy. Mercy. I asked him to tell me the things in his ministry that were going great. The things he would miss if he left that church. I was trying to see into his heart beyond his obvious frustration. This is not what he wanted to hear from me.

After a couple of awkward minutes, he told me about the amazing youth in his ministry. How they loved to attend small groups and dig into God’s word. They loved to take part in local missions and even formed several local mission teams that serve every week. He told me about students who were coming to know Christ. Students who in the past would never step foot into a church. He went on to tell me about his students assuming leadership roles and even teaching some of the small groups. He concluded with a story of a teenage boy he recently helped when his family was falling apart. He was describing to me a ministry that was obviously embracing the Great Commandment. He was just blinded by his perception of success and failure.

My friend hit a home run and didn’t even know it. He was looking at all the wrong things to determine success and in the process took his eyes off the ball that cleared the fence. He lost it in the lights of the worlds definition of success. I told him that I could not help him. He was where he needed to be. He asked me what he should do now. My only advice to him; keep doing what you are doing. I told him he could leave his church with his world mentality of success and would be the same person in a different zip code. That would only lead to my friend calling me again in about two years with the same dilemma.

I want to embrace God’s standard for successful ministry. I want my personal journey to embrace the commandment to love God with everything I have. I want to love every students, whether it’s 500 or 5, that God brings my way. I want to please God more than I want to please my pastor and our church community. I want to hit that home run and not miss it.

Keep your eye on the ball. It is the only standard that matters.

-Blessings.

You Are The Net

Posted on February 14, 2012 by Chris Jones

Fishing is one of my favorite hobbies. I’m not very good at it but I love being on the water casting lures in hopes of landing a monster fish. Fishing is a challenge for me because I am the poster child for ADHD, which is a lot of fun as an adult. When I was younger my father would take me fishing. That was always an adventure with an ADHD pre-teen. I turned fishing into a full-contact sport. My dad had to wear a helmet for fear of catching a lure in his head. After about five minutes I would get distracted and start playing with the lures or picking up the fish we caught and making them talk to my dad. “Please put me back in the water.” Weird.

I think that’s why I love the biblical analogy of fishing for evangelism. I can wrap my brain around that particular example. We often use this analogy in ministry but I think we have the wrong idea of what Jesus was trying to say. It’s important to read it within the context it is written.

It’s interesting how we read the Bible: we sometimes filter everything through our own worldview, our own culture, our own life-setting. This can even happen over simple interpretive issues—like Jesus’ analogy of fishing. Even though Matthew 4:18-22 is easy to understand, we still miss the point because we try to squeeze it into our current culture and worldview. We think fishing and instantly see a fishing pole, reel, line, and hook.

This wasn’t the kind of fishing envisioned in Matthew 4. Jesus is talking about net-fishing. Read the text. It says they were “casting a net into the sea (for they were fishermen)” (v. 18), “they left their nets” (v. 20), “mending their nets” (v. 21). Luke 5:2 tells us they were “washing their nets.” No doubt, the ancient world knew of line-fishing as well (cf. Matt 17:24-27). But that is not what was envisioned in the imagery of “fishing for men.”

The nets they used were circular and had weights around the perimeter. I lived in south Mississippi when I served as an Air Force Nurse. I would rather be called a Combat Medic. Net fishing was a popular hobby for many who lived along the gulf coast. One of my neighbors introduced me to the sport. He was from Louisiana which means he knew about all things fishing. You could go down to the boat docks and catch a cooler full of shrimp. I’m talking jumbo shrimp. The kind that would make Forrest Gump smile. There is an art to casting the net. You have to actually put one of the perimeter weights in your mouth and throw the net so that it opens completely before it lands in the water. The weights cause the net to slowly sink to the bottom, trapping everything in its path. The key is to remember to release the perimeter weight from your mouth. My neighbor’s wife was with us on our first net casting adventure. She was a natural. As she was demonstrating how to cast the net, she forgot rule #1; don’t forget to release the weight from your mouth. As she cast the net, forgetting rule #1, it ripped her front teeth from her mouth and hurled them into the gulf of Mexico. I was so shocked that I just stood there speechless. Her husband looked over at her now toothless face and immediately commented, “Don’t worry baby. Now you look like the rest of the women in my family.” Creepy. I think I heard a banjo playing in the distance.

The imagery of using a lure and a line (and waiting for the fish to strike!) is foreign to this text. Jesus is not speaking about finesse (as in fly fishing), or using the right kind of bait. The imagery has nothing to do with “hooking” the unbeliever with the gospel. Further, the picture is not individualistic: the point is not one person being reeled in at a time. All of this has to do with line-fishing, but this is not the picture seen in this text. He is talking about net fishing. Two totally different perspectives.

If we see this analogy as line fishing we can get the idea that our role is to do something that attracts our “target” to the ministries we lead. In other words, we create the means by which people become attracted to Christ. I think this is why we get so wrapped up in the bells and whistles of ministry. Using the fishing analogy we try to create the right bait to attract the “fish” to our church communities. If we use the right bait, they are attracted and we catch them. If not, we look around at the bait others are using and pull that from our tackle box and give her a try. I think something gets lost in the process. Ministries become more about the right bait than the people they are trying to reach. The bait becomes a means unto itself while our world continues to move away from church and Christianity. We do like to brag about the number of fish in our cooler. Right?

If we read this text within the context it is presented we get a whole new perspective of what God is trying to say. When Jesus tells these young fisher dudes that “they will be fishers of men” he is speaking within the context of net fishing. He is essentially saying, “You are the net.” He’s not telling them, now go out there and think of something that will attract people to me and once they get in the boat I will bash them in the head with the truth. He is saying, you are now part of me. We’re in this together. We are the net. All of us, everyone that follows Christ is part of this net. We are cast out by God into our world. We are the net where we live, work, and play. It’s not about creating something at our places of worship that will attract people to God. It’s about followers being the net in their world every day.

I love what Adrian Rogers says about Christians as the net. He says, “Have you ever thought about what a net is? It’s just a bunch of holes tied together. Furthermore, do you know what a hole is? It’s a nothing. And that’s exactly what we are— a bunch of nothings. But if you take a bunch of nothings and tie them together, they are powerful.” He surmises that we are a bunch of nothings redeemed by Christ, all connected by His blood. If we are in Christ we are the net. It’s not about creating the right bait to attract people to our ministries, it’s about us being the net in the world. In one story Jesus tells them when and where to cast their nets. They objected because it wasn’t the “right time of day.” Reluctantly they obeyed but they must have laughed on the inside. After all, they are the professional fisher dudes. They knew a better way. Right? Wrong answer. The result of obeying Christ was a catch that their boats could not contain. They did it His way and when He said to do it and the result was a massive fish fry.

If we get to wrapped up in doing ministry our way, in our time, and with our techniques, we can miss this obvious principle from God. He is telling us where and when to put down our nets in Matthew 28. He is showing us how to fish in such a way as to fill our coolers. This isn’t a marketing technique. This isn’t a hip how-to book with a cool cover, or another conference with the latest trends. How much of this stuff do we need to understand this basic principle from God? How many ways can we repackage the same techniques to finally get a basic biblical truth?

It’s just about Jesus telling us to put out our nets. Put them out now. The world desperately need for Christians to finally be the net. All of us, all tied together through the blood of Christ, going into our workplaces, schools, homes, community, world, being the net. We should stop spending so much time, energy, and resources on the latest “bait” or on things we perceive will attract people Jesus loves. Can we finally wake up and realize this really isn’t impacting the majority of our culture for Christ? They recognize the bait of gimmicks and superficial evangelistic techniques and are avoiding them in record numbers. Meanwhile church leaders are googling to find a different bait that seems to be working for someone else.

We are the net. We. All of us who follow Christ. Every member of the body. In Matthew 28, Jesus is casting us out to a lost world. We are to spread out into our communities, where we live, and be the hands and feet of our Savior. The time to teach this to our church communities is now. The time to release the net into your corner of the world was yesterday. Be the net. It’s what a lost world is waiting for and desperately needs.

God looks good On You

Posted on December 8, 2011 by Chris Jones

I often say it. It’s usually met with curious reaction. People have to think it over because it sounds a bit strange and possibly irreverent. When I see someone who models the life of Christ in their life I tell them, “God looks good on you.”

God looks good on you?

There was that time when a high school girl considered my comment as a way of saying she was pretty. Creepy. It simply means what you are doing in your life is beautiful. Godly. It models the life Christ demonstrated when he walked the dusty roads advocating social justice, grace, and salvation. It is selflessness.

I think it is the highest compliment. James 1:22-27 bounces around in my mind.

How does He look on you? A question I try to answer every day.

What a sweet girl. I’m going to call her “Mary” in this blog. This, of course, isn’t her real name. At first glance you might not recognize Mary’s situation. She is good at hiding her fear, anger, doubt, and sense of worthlessness. I was introduced to Mary by one of her teachers at the middle school she attends. This wasn’t a chance meeting. It was set up by a teacher in an effort to help Mary sort through her issues. Her “Issues” sounds cold and judgmental. What would you call them?

Mary is in a “Broken family” situation. Her father isn’t in the picture. Her mother, while sharing the same house with this sweet girl is also absent. A young girl longing for love, acceptance, and compassion. Things you would expect at home. She often goes without food. One of her punishments is being locked out of her house which means she sometimes sleeps in her backyard. Her beautiful mind has been destroyed. Mary’s 7th grade body subjected to the perverted actions of adults. I am sickened by the thought. She wears the same clothes for days at a time. Her hair strategically positioned to hide her face. The face that is looking at her toes because her self esteem is below zero. Calling these “Issues” seems inadequate. I don’t have a word for it. I see Mary and I see a child in desperate need of love.

About this teacher.

Leslie Graham is a middle school teacher. This means she always smells like Axe body spray. Leslie is also a Christ-follower. When you meet Leslie you might think she is a bit strange. She is. Leslie has another life outside of the classroom. I call it her alter ego. Mild-mannered teacher by day. Roller Derby queen at night. She is the captain/founder of a Roller Derby club. That’s right. Roller Derby. She perfectly represents the Roller Derby persona. She is who she is. I never want to make her mad.

Leslie grew up in a Christian family. There came a time when she found herself questioning God. She became angry with God and would even go so far as to say she went through a period of entertaining atheistic thoughts. Until Christ became real in her life. Until Christ came after her in the midst of her angry defiance. She was radically saved. Maybe that phrase is overused. Aren’t we all “Radically” saved? Let’s make it more clear. Leslie was changed. Today she is a Jesus lover in the pure sense of the phrase. It’s a beautiful picture. One where conviction is on obvious display.

Leslie’s position as a teacher doesn’t end with imparting scientific knowledge to her students. She views her position as her ministry. As her ministry. Let that settle. Her life is not her own. It was purchased at a price. Her position is merely an avenue to serve the God who saved her. So it was no surprise when she sends a text and ask me to come meet this beautiful middle school girl. Her heart is broken when she learns the details of Mary’s life. She is in a desperate state. She begins to bring extra food to school every day. She inquired about Mary with the school counselor. Her suspicions are realized when she learns the ugly truth surrounding Mary’s life.

This is a burning bush moment for Leslie.

In September, Leslie and her partner Nichole Quillen started a Roller Derby club for teenage girls. It’s more than a club where teenage girls learn the skills of Roller Derby. It is a ministry. Leslie uses this ministry as a means of physically training teenage girls and in the process building their self-worth. Naturally this was a means of reaching out to Mary. She is invited to join the club. Roller Derby can be expensive when you factor in all the equipment required. Equipment required to keep you from concussions, broken bones, and numerous other injuries. You might think this could be a roadblock for the girl who literally has nothing. Did I mention Leslie loves Jesus? All of the needed equipment wouldn’t get in the way of compassion. Everything she needed was supplied. The monthly fees waved.
We just have to get her there.

Mary finally takes Mrs. Leslie up on her invitation. It wasn’t easy. People who live with neglect and abuse develop a weird sense of misplaced shame. It is a means to hide who they believe themselves to be. Mary doesn’t want “Charity.” Leslie would have to be strategic. Demonstrate love followed by developing trust. Leslie is patient with the process because she understands this call. Her patience pays off when Mary finally attends a practice. She finds acceptance there. She isn’t judged by her outward appearance. She learns that love can be unconditional. She receives praise. This is a strange reality for the girl who only knew criticism. I’m certain she didn’t initially trust this outpouring of acceptance. She must have thought Leslie wanted something from her. She is loved. She is valued. She is accepted. The only criteria is she attend, work hard, and follow the rules of the club. She agrees. Mary is on the road to becoming the next Roller Derby queen.

“Can you come by the rink today and meet Mary” read Leslie’s text. Leslie kept me informed of Mary’s progress. I couldn’t wait to meet her. I hoped for the opportunity to encourage and talk to her about the lover of her soul. I didn’t meet the Mary I imagined.

All Roller Derby girls give themselves a skate name. Names like, “Lil Sparky,” and “Mad Cat.”Names intended to give you insight into who they are and how they compete. I never want to tangle with “Mad Cat.” Mary chose her name. It says everything about this outpouring of love from her teacher and her club. Her chosen name icludes the word “Awesome.” Mary thinks she is awesome. This middle school girl who wouldn’t look you in the eye out of shame and anger called herself “Awesome.” Her hair, once pushed over her face in shame now arranged to reveal her glow. Her “Awesomeness” apparent. When we meet I am amazed at this picture. Could this be the same girl Leslie described? It’s crazy what compassion, love, and a heart so in love with Christ can do for a person. As we talk she looks me in the eyes. I see hope there. I am overcome with emotion. Leslie wants me to talk to her about Jesus but the truth is she already learned so much about Christ through Leslie’s life and compassion. There was nothing I could say in that moment that wasn’t obvious through Leslie’s life. I feel inadequate. I honestly feel dumbstruck. All Mary knew about Christ was demonstrated in and through Leslie’s life. It wasn’t through a mindless speech or cheesy gospel tract. It was through a life so committed to Christ that it poured out into this little girl.

God looks good on Leslie Graham.

The gospel is meant to be lived as well as spoken. Consider the life of the one we follow. His response to his detractors when asked the most important commandments in the Law; “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ”Love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus spent His entire ministry teaching and living this out. He gave sight to the blind, paralyzed people can walk, the marginalized now loved and accepted. Outcast women and people with disease matter to Christ. His life given, offered up for those who had no chance with God. Grace personified.

This middle school girl matters to Christ. I wonder how many people missed the opportunity to be His hands and feet in Mary’s life. How long was she waiting for someone, anyone, to come to her rescue? Jesus must have looked on in frustration. Who was willing to be His presence? Mary needs so many things but what she needs most is Christ. The lover of her soul.

In the same spirit of the Prophets of old and fearful yet willing Christ-followers mentioned in the New Testament, Leslie said, “I will.” Her “I will” makes people feel awesome. It makes me feel awesome because it displays a beauty that can only be described as Godly. I want to be more like that. A modern parable reflecting Christ.

God looks good on Leslie Graham. How does He look on me?

Leslie Graham’s alter ego . . .

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Christian Accountability by J. Hampton Keathley III, Th.M. Dallas Theological Seminary

(Pastor Keathley went to be with our Lord in 2002. His legacy of faith lives on).

The Justification for Accountability, It is biblical

1 Thessalonians 5:12-14 (see also Heb. 13:7, 17)

Illustrations and Types of Accountability

Biblical Ways to Promote Accountability

Goals and objectives to promote Christ-like growth in measurable ways:

Some guidelines and warnings:

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5 Principles to Popularity Teenagers Can Embrace Without Losing their Integrity

When you do something, anything, do it to the best of your ability. Excellence always draws a crowd.

Promote their peers and their accomplishments, not their own. This allows God to exalt them.

Never limit your dreams by your circumstances. People are always drawn to people who are filled with hope and faith.

Be kind to everyone. Genuinely nice teenagers are NEVER short on friends.

Always stand up for what is right despite the personal consequences. Teenagers in today’s culture are desperately searching for real heroes.

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Cheesy Christian T-Shirt of the Day (New entry)

Past Winners (or Losers)

Anyway, I give you the Chessy T-shirt of the day.

Cheesy Rating Scale: 1-10. 1 = acceptable. 5 = borderline but prone to criticism. 10 = total embarrassment.

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